miracles

I believe in miracles. I really do. It just seems like lately I have been too dang pig headed (I originally typed big headed... that's accurate for me too) to ask for the help I need.

Last night after I blogged I was feeling a little uncomfortable and a little hot. I'm a bit of a hypochondriac though and I thought I was making it up. Four hours after falling asleep M came in to tell me that she got sick like D but that she had made it to the bathroom. I was thrilled. I so wasn't in the mood to clean the carpets again.

Then I noticed the horrible pain in my stomach (actually I think it had to be those dang intestines because I swear my stomach isn't that high). I went to the far bathroom in my parents' house and tried to lay on the floor. I tried everything to get rid of the pain or even to lessen it. So here I am screaming on the floor. This may sound crazy but I really don't remember hurting like that since I had Madeleine. I tried every position to get comfy and nothing would work. And dang it, I could not just be sick either.

So I prayed.

And then I got the feeling to go outside. (This bathroom has three doors. One goes into a hall, another into a bedroom and the last out to the backyard.) I was all sweaty so I decided to just lay down on the concrete by the grass with a towel on me. It seems a bit crazy to do that in December. Things started spinning just a bit while I rested there at first and then within a minute ALL of the pain in my stomach disappeared and I felt fine.

I immediately recognized it as an answer to prayer. Then I didn't know what to do. So I just stayed still. DH got up in the meantime and came to find me. I told him I felt fine but didn't know if I should move and I told him he could go running and that I would just hang out on the cement in the backyard.

There was another blessing. I got to watch the sky illuminate for the day. I never have time for that at home. I watched the birds fly from one palm to another. And I marvelled in all that God has created.

It took one massive stomach ache to humble me enough to remember.

And now I am going to do some more praying on what to do to help S and D. I think I have been relying a bit too much on myself.

11 years

Today marked 11 years. 11 year olds are so old. I guess that makes me old too.



It was the first time that Niko's birthday was on a Sunday. It matched up with the day he was born. I have worried for a long time how I would handle Niko's day being a Sunday. I just imagined that it would be the day to relive everything.

It wasn't.

I guess that's a blessing.

We knew when the kids got up it was going to be a rough day. D started out his day rough and it just never got better. He bit DH and so DH was somewhat done with him. The psych told us to not take that behavior from him. She said that doing things like that necessitates him being alone. Well, here at my mom's house that doesn't give me a lot of options. We figured that he could play outside in the nice weather. He climbed the fence and was up seven feet in the air. I don't know what he was trying to prove. But when we didn't give him a ton of attention for it he seemed less interested. But later tonight he decided to escape and climb over the fence into the front yard. What in the heck should be do with this kid? We were keeping an eye on him because we worried he would climb into the pool area. He can't swim. He says he can because he finally got so he could let go of the wall for 5 seconds but in reality, he can't swim. And, well, it's cold. I told DH I worried that he would do something crazy and get in the water. Then he was mad at bedtime. He just wasn't into being able to handle going to bed. He's into getting on top of people and holding them down. Several times this past week he has done that to T as well. T isn't a fighter. It's just not in him. (My sis jokes that he'll be a poet because of it.) He'll sit and hold T down while he slams on his neck. We finally told T to fight back if he's doing that because it isn't safe but T just can't get himself to do it.

So finally tonight we get him asleep. We had him wait in the bathroom at the far end of the house. He couldn't be outside. He couldn't be by the other kids. Then when he zonked out, DH moved him into our room.

We fell asleep and then about an hour later we awoke to D barfing all over the place. Maybe he was feeling yucky earlier today. Maybe his high anxiety levels made him sick. I have no idea. I just know that he ate WAY too much at dinner.

Today (I guess it's a new day now) we were supposed to go and do the shoe thing with the kids and go get fabulous Mexican food. I'm not quite sure how all this will play out now. I'm actually pretty grateful that we had to isolate him today. Hopefully he didn't spread whatever caused him to get sick.

And that's why I haven't been able to be overly consumed with my Niko. I had a teary moment at the cemetery. A trip there wouldn't be the same without a few tears. The kids had a bunch of fun running around like they always do.

But there wasn't that reliving 11 years ago. It wasn't too bad actually. We didn't even have any flowers for the boys because it was Sunday and we didn't want to break the Sabbath. And that was okay too. We went there and checked things out. If we make it back with some flowers that will be great and if we don't, I think it'll be okay too.

For being such a wuss I have turned into a pretty tough cookie.

Well, unless someone throws up.