Post Spring Break

Things have been moving along here. It seems like we are always busy yet I never know quite what we have done.

We had a somewhat uneventful spring break. For weeks before spring break, I looked up things to do. Then it arrived and well, we did some of it.

We did go to the science museum for one day. We went out to lunch with DH to a buffet (always a hit). That day I came home and vowed to get over my sugar and carb addiction as I felt like crud even driving home. I almost had to pull over because I was so tired. That is bad news! I came home and told the kids to NOT do their chores and just go watch a show together and I ZONKED out. Luckily, M was home and she would be the first one to wake me if things were amiss. T, D, and C went skiing with DH. C is doing great skiing from the top of the mountain. It's hard to believe she is only 4. That day, M and S went to lunch with me and a friend and then I took the two of them to a great park to play. I wasn't trying to torture S. She just can't ski right now as she is too defiant and well, defiance has no place on a ski lift. I had plans for a couple of other places but S was struggling too much to go anywhere. DH and I got a break and hired an older sitter to come so we could go to the ballet. We went to Z-Tejas. Oh they have yummy stuff on their gluten free menu. I told DH that I could not believe the difference between how I felt there and how I felt after indulging in carbs at a buffet.

I also went to a parent convention for suzuki music parents. It was interesting because the convention didn't really tell me a lot I didn't already know about trying to help kids with music. It did, however, have some really good reminders of things I need to consider with S. They really had nothing to do with music and I am sorry for all the other attendees that had to sit through the shpill... but I needed to hear it. I'm trying to remember a few different things from her to see if we can get different results. I just finally got around to remembering that I can do NOTHING to change her. I can only change ME. UGH! So I guess I have to be the one changing.

The kids are back in school this week. It's great for them and great for me. Of course, we started all of our other activities as well. I have to brag for just a minute on my boys. We had our pinewood derby last night. DH insisted that the boys do their own cars. They designed, cut, sanded and painted their cars. We weighted them with some change and duct tape. These were NOT fancy shmancy cars. They both did pretty well. The tape over the quarters was rubbing on T's pig patrol car. We put the tape on the bottom so it wouldn't cover T's 'designer' pig car. It didn't work so well as the car rubbed on the track a bit. Still, he won a race or two and got second frequently. D's car 'The Harry Potter', had nickles and pennies on top because our duct tape was black and so was his car. He was so thrilled that night. I loved that he was really happy for T and everyone else when they did well. And wouldn't you know it, D ended in third place for all the boys in the troop. I was so glad DH stuck to his guns and had the boys do the work themselves.

In other news, I lost my keys at the store today. I looked through my purse many times and couldn't see a thing. C started to go through my purse and pulled them out. She claimed she 'saved the day' and then cried. She told me, "It's okay, sometimes we cry happy tears."

M had a super fabulous violin lesson and surprised her teacher with Seitz Concerto #5 3rd mvmt. I know, you can find 5 or 6 year olds on youtube that play it but I was still so proud of her. She learned and memorized the whole thing in two weeks. She has so much to practice before her summer camp. I'm still trying to track down her Shostokovich music. It's hard to find. I hate for her to have so much practice, but most of the time she seems to find so much joy in playing. Life is busy now with dance too though as she has a performance in two weeks. (It's her first one being lifted by boys... AUGH!)

T has been on a good roll this week. He went in and shocked his teacher today. He had memorized one new song, learned another with the music, and then went in and played another by ear that he had been playing for 'fun'. I had told both T and M that if they went in with certain things they could have a trip to the dollar store for one item. They surpassed my expectations. Tonight it was so fun to take them to the store. T was a kid in a candy store. I couldn't believe how happy one thing from the dollar store could make him. It made me think that for all of our faults, we are doing something right with the kids. A trip to the dollar store isn't unappreciated. T starts a big set of two weeks for swim this Saturday. He has 4 days of meets in a two week period. It's going to be tricky for all of us. I'll be glad to have a break for most of May after that.

D is still on could nine from the derby. It's also been great for him to go back to school. It's not that I am trying to get rid of him. He just thrives in that structured environment. It made me realize that I need to come up with a good plan for the summer. He loves to not have things to do and lots of free time, but it drives him crazy at the same time. So, I need to spend a little time working that out. He didn't freak out at his lesson today and we didn't mention when he got a little bit stuck doing the same thing over and over in a song. It's not worth it. It's not the goal. I want him to love music and let it work in his brain. He'll end up with great tone because he is such a good practicer.

S, well, we have had some better days. She did punch C in the nose this week. C did go in her room, but well, you know generally your response isn't to hit someone in the face. That wasn't so great. She's had a lot of time with dear ol' mom in the past few weeks because she does things that makes it so she can't be unsupervised. Well, and the vinyl lettering in her room is now trashed. But she has seemed to snap out of things more quickly since I'm trying a few new things. I've just got to catch her before that cortisol takes over and boy is that hard. I'm hopeful. Today she did great helping me at the store and didn't throw a single fit. She's really excited about her school program right now. I'm sure she'll be pretty cute in it. She's a monkey.

C has been a pill at times and then hilarious at others. The last few days she has been in to wearing berets. When she's not saving the day, she is wanting to play. Lately we have butted heads a few times because well, she is 4 and kids that age just want what they want right then.

Oh, I bought animal cheater chopsticks... that has been quite a highlight for our kids. They LOVE eating with them.

And lastly, the reason this blog is so long is that our dog is not doing well, and I fear that my next blog may be announcing her death. She is quite old, almost 13 which is old for a lab. Still, I hate to see her so feeble. She hasn't really been eating much and isn't getting up for too much anymore. We are guessing that she can no longer see well. She has aged a lot in the last year or two but the last month we have seen things go downhill fast. Today she didn't even take a sip of the meat juice I put in her bowl.

And that is where we are at. DH is going snowboarding tomorrow. It's the end of the season and he has one pass left. It's crazy that there could be fresh snow up there. I'm going to do my regular Friday thing.

Life is good. It may not seem like it to outsiders, but even with all the craziness, the flowers are still blooming and there is beauty everywhere.

Today T was named swimmer of the week for his team. I was really surprised. What is even more funny is that he got a free pizza gift certificate. He's one of the people in the family who can't eat pizza. The graveside services for that sweet baby are tomorrow. This week has made me just think so much. Tonight DH and I went on a date. After dinner, we went over to my least favorite discount store to wander around. After all, we have wandered around the stores in our town often enough and needed something new. As we wandered I remembered that awful feeling of going to such a store after burying your baby. I wandered as if I didn't know where I was going. And then when I got to the baby section it was as if it were not allowed. But I had to go in because I still had a kid in diapers. Still, my mind kept saying, "No, not for you miss." I'd let my hand graze a small baby outfit and it would feel so foreign. I just HAD to touch them yet I couldn't let myself enjoy them. Oh it's so awful going to the store. It took so long after both my boys before I could walk in a baby section and buy a gift without feeling like an alien. Anyway... just a memory. I'm so glad I am years out x2 on this whole thing. For so many years I just wanted to have a reason to be in the baby section of a store and now I am thrilled to be out of it. How life changes!

Grief

I've had an experience the past few days that reminded me how hard grief can be. A neighbor of mine lost her baby. She was full term when her baby's cord compressed and caused it to be stillborn. I sit here, still at such a loss of what I can do. It's because, quite frankly, I know there is NOTHING I really do. When I found out the news it made me so frantic. Having done this twice, I feel like a bit of a pro. With tears streaming down my face I kept silently saying, "They are going to run out of time." How do you squish a lifetime's worth of memories into a day? You don't. You just don't get them. I didn't know what to do. Should I go out there? They only had so much time as a family. Would I be intruding? Is there something I could say that would help them have one less regret later? You see, this dear neighbor of mine has a special place in my heart when it comes to one of my boys. When I was pregnant with Joshua, there were so many pregnant ladies. And it seemed like ALL of them were having girls. She was due with a boy not a month later and so we had determined our boys could be buddies. Well, unfortunately, we didn't quite make it with the follow through on that one. But year after year on or near Joshua's birthday I would get a call or a quick visit. Hey we are thinking of you was the message each time. She remembers my baby's birthday. Not many people, even in my close circle of friends remembers. (And heck, how could anyone who met the kid forget him. He was so dang cute and such a little hunk of a boy!) So knowing that she was going to experience a similar heartache was just about all I could bear yesterday. My heart has rarely felt so incredibly heavy. And this time the grief wasn't just about me. It did bring up those deep feelings of grief for my boys and how I missed them. But I just had such a sadness that she now has to really get it. You can't get it unless you have been there. You can be so sad for someone. But then, something happens and you can let your mind wander from it for a minute. You can let your world go on for a while until you remember how awful things are for that person. When you are in the club, however, it's a different story. I guess it's a good thing that most people literally can only try to understand because it's so painful that you don't really want everyone to know what it feels like. Anyway, I did go for a visit and I got to visit her little angel. Oh my goodness he was a sweet beautiful little baby. I got to touch his soft skin and admire his beautiful hands and feet. His fingers were divine. I feel fortunate to have been able to caress his little head. He's the only little angel baby I have ever held except my own. Angel babies bring a different feeling to the room. Yes, there is sadness, but it isn't just that. They bring with them reverence for life and for the life after death. Oh, how fortunate I was to get to meet his little body. And now I grieve for my friend. I wish I didn't know what was ahead of her. I don't want her to have to endure it, but there is no other way. You can't shortchange grief. It's always gets its way. For now, I'll count my blessings, all seven of mine and pray that I can help her shoulder some of her cares now.

All Caught Up

No, that is not on my house. But I finally have my pictures pretty caught up on the photo blog. That is a big feat considering how behind I was.