I think I have been avoiding blogging because I don't have much that is chipper to say. I think I just haven't wanted to put in writing what was in my head because it means it's true.

First the good news- Let's do something positive to start :)

My basement is framed. I have someone coming to bid the duct work tomorrow and we are flying my father in to do the electrical next week. This gives me a lot of hope.

The kids have medicaid and therapists now. That's a big bonus because play therapy is pricey.

DH and I have had an offer from MIL to take the kids for two whole nights so we can go away. We are really looking forward to it. Perhaps we can sleep in past 6:30 am.

Now the bad-

I am lost on what to do with S. Today I had D at his therapy session and I left the T,S and C with a friend. I told her how we have been having problems with S choking C. She didn't try to choke her there, instead she pushed her down the stairs. Luckily my friend was there and caught her before she was hurt. On the way home she told me she was naughty and that she pushed C down the stairs.

The conversation went like this:

"Why did you push her down the stairs?"

"Because."

"Because why?"

"Because I wanted to."

"S, that hurts C."

"I know, it hurts C. I wanted to push her."

I am just lost at what I can do. I keep C with me all day. I even take her to the bathroom with me. It's no surprise she is such a mama's girl.

I so hope the therapist can give me some really useful pointers. I told him that she could care less about time outs. We get a quick break when she is there but she doesn't care enough about them to have it alter any behaviour. Add to it the fact that she is into urinating after being in time out and you get one grumpy mom.

The therapist said much of what is hardest isn't even going to be our greatest obstacle. He said it's going to be the fact that she will quickly latch onto anyone. She really will. She'll hug the checkout lady at the store if we let her and ask, "What's your name?" He said it's a reattachment issue and that he used to work in a home for teenage girls and you could easily pick out the girls with that issue. I can imagine it now. She must be so confused inside to have such crazy behaviours. I won't even list them all because I don't think I want to remember them in twenty years. But I don't know what to do. Right now we are finding instead of the new kids making great strides, the others are just starting to do naughty things too. It's really discouraging.

D is doing quite well. He's really a sweet little boy by nature. The therapist said that we have years ahead to get him adjusted.

When we were leaving today the therapist told us not to adopt any more children. He said it would be a disservice to both D and S as well as M,T, and C. I knew it was going to be a long road. And, well, we already agreed we are up to our eyeballs with stuff to figure out. But he said it in such a way that made me think, dang, we have a long next five years or so. Wow! That's a long time.

I'm working on the pawning off the other kids thing. Of course, therapy has to be a priority. Still, it's a find a home for the other 3 twice a week type of thing. My poor friends. They have got to be thinking they didn't sign up for this. I would hire a sitter but it's tricky now that we have danger girl.

It's hard to think you can be a good mom when you aren't really able to get to all the needs of even one kid.

I was telling a friend that I always had sort of thought that my big 'trial' in life was going to be my two stillborn kids. Those weren't really easy experiences. I hate to say it but that seems like a piece of cake compared to trying to figure this out. I can't imagine Heavenly Father would give me more than I can handle. I just wish I could see how to handle it and keep my sanity.

Okay... That's enough complaining. Did I mention my basement is framed? :) Did I mention that DH was actually able to come home before 6:30 TWICE last week (he's still there tonight but still to be home two times before 6:30 is amazing for him).

Avoiding my own blog

I've thought about blogging for the past week. I just haven't been able to muster the courage to babble away. But seeing that I am using this thing as a journal of sorts, I figure I should type something.

We got a letter saying the kids have medicaid. I was uber happy over that. I called and scheduled the therapy intakes today. I'm hoping it helps. The kids need it I believe. I could use it too. I just don't feel like I can dump five kids on various friends for that. So we'll try the kids. Once again, it will be tricky because I feel like I have exhausted everyone with watching this kid or that (working in class, doctor visits, etc) but I have to try therapy for the kids. Maybe I will learn more about S that way. Maybe it'll do nothing. At least I'll feel like we are trying. At the moment I am not too successful at any of this parenting stuff. M and T are starting to act up more too. I am certain it's because of me sending mixed signals about what I will tolerate.

Tomorrow M goes to the ophthamologist. I'm hoping for something better than 20/50 corrected for her lazy eye. She was doing so well with her patch. But the last few weeks haven't been so hot. I'm still hoping for the best. She is starting to get to the age where patching isn't goign to be as effective.

C hit 20 lbs. We flipped her forward. She just points at the screen hanging from the ceiling. I can't believe she loves it already. She took a fall tonight. I was putting her jammies on and she tried to run away. You can't run far when someone is holding on to your feet. The poor kid landed right on her face. I kept her up for a while to make sure she didn't have a concusion. I don't know if I would really be able to tell if she had one but I tend to stress about it every time she takes a bad fall.

Positive Note- Tomorrow the framing of my basement is commencing. It may not make a difference in the end but it feels great to think that it's getting started.

100 posts?

I just saw when I signed into this thing that I am at a 100 posts. How did that happen? This is so much easier for me than journaling. I love blogger :).

I am not going to complain today so this might be short.

M had her baptism on Saturday. I can't believe what a big girl she is. Usually when I have attended baptisms for other kids you find the kids sitting with their parents, usually needing some reassuring.

That wasn't the case for my kid. She was being baptized on the same day as her forever friend and they just sat on the front row as excited as could be. I was so worried about keeping C quiet that I forgot my role as mom and she had to stand there dripping for a while before I took her towel.

We did the confirmations in the chapel. I played a duet with a friend who is a harpist. Then after I thought it would look lovely to have the girls stand by the harp and have their picture taken. How was I supposed to know that we weren't supposed to take pictures in the chapel. It surprised me that I missed such a rule as I LOVE rules.

The shindig after was fine. My house wasn't all the way clean. The bathroom was relatively clean but I forgot to put another hand towel in there. I kept telling my little ones to use my bathroom instead of theirs because I didn't want their dirty little bums sliding around on the seat.

It was a nice day. The kids didn't fight too much. Everyone ate enough food. I had enough leftover lasagna to feed the kids for the next day. What could be better?

Oh, we also got the kids to clean their rooms this weekend. That is better.

Short Post

I am going to get down on that treadmill, even if it is still slipping a bit. I have good news I hope. A good friend's brother came and is putting a bid together to have my basement framed. I should get the news today. He said he could have it done in 3 days. WHOOO HOOOO! I'm not anticipating finishing the whole shibam but to have SOMETHING done on it would be nice. I would feel like it's in our future.

I'm about to put D down for his nap. It's hard to believe that on most days a 5 year old needs a nap but he does. I don't know if it's years of sleep deprivation or if he is just trying to grow a bunch. But on days when he doesn't sleep at all he breaks down frequently in the evening.

I could keep typing this or that but well. I am not going to whine today. I recently heard a quote that went something like, "No situation is so bad that whining can't make it worse." I can't remember the quote exactly.

Positive Note- The sun just popped through the clouds and is shining on just enough fresh snow to cover up the icky gray stuff.

The Superbowl

DH and I aren't really team sports people. I haven't seen a football game in years. I can stand hockey but that's mainly because I like the zamboni.

I didn't know that the Superbowl was being held in my former state until about a week ago. I didn't know which teams were in it until today. I knew about the undefeated team but I didn't know which team they were playing.

So M, came home to tell me about the Superbowl. She said it's when you have two teams that play a game in a championship. I aksed her where she learned it and she said in music class. That's my girl!

I took the 3 oldest to Home Depot yesterday for their first Saturday activity. You know just last week I mentioned to a friend that maybe I could start framing my basement. I decided no yesterday. Another 6 year old was able to build the little wooden football stool before me. I missed the mark with two nails and hit T's finger once. I think I will need to hire people to do the work for me.

Positive Note- I had my spirit fed last night at the adult session of stake conference. I'm hoping to put to use some of the ideas. I think I need to focus on being more service oriented.

Something to live by

"You are good. But it is not enough just to be good. You must be good for something. You must contribute good to the world. The world must be a better place for your presence."

-Gordon B. Hinckley

DH is home!

Repeat ten times! I am excited that he was able to change his flight to a direct one. This is the second time in the last two weeks that he has travelled and I will welcome a little adult conversation. I really do need to say something other than, "You can whine, but do it in your room."

I got my hair chopped again today. It's stacked a little higher in the back. I'm just too lazy to do all that hair that I can't see. It's easier to have it hacked off.

What else? The day was rather uneventful. I would say S went on the potty all day but well, she didn't. One time she was in the bathroom and went on the floor. I couldn't fault her too much. At least the tile is easy to clean up. And really, the boys do that all time because they have bad aim.

Positive Note- (other than dh being home) The ice on the driveway had gotten thick enough that I could shovel a bunch of it away in big sheets. I was really glad because we are supposed to get snow on and off for the next week.

And someone- please tell me why this thing will no longer spell check.