Simplification... How does it work?

I have been stressed and well, more stressed the last few weeks. It's the waking up to a house of violin players. It's having a broken treadmill and being too lazy or cold to go outside. It's thinking I could go outside, but not knowing what to do with kid 5. It's needing to physically be in 3 towns at once for kids activities. It's knowing that there's no half doing things.

UGH!

How do you simplify?

Today it really hit me. I tried calling the dentist to make cleanings for 4 of the kids. I was getting stressed just talking to the receptionist. No we can't make that appointment (playgroup). No, not that day either (watching neighbor kid while another mom works in kindergarten). Nope, not that day (working in kindergarten). Nope, how about another day (picking up the 5 little girl kindergarteners in our neighborhood for their once a week shin dig). Nope... (invention day for D). Oh and anything after school, no way because there is no breathing room after school.

And now I want to tell my kids they had better keep those teeth cleaned because I really don't have time to take them back to the dentist for any follow up work.

It has to be too much. I've been up nights trying to figure out how to get kids everywhere they need to go. There comes a point where to succeed in an activity you have to put a lot of time into it. M loves dance. But at her level, she has to be there at least 3 days a week. I love that it keeps her sedentary personality on the move.

T loves swim and I love that it seems to keep him out of the hospital with asthma issues. But 5 days a week of practicing two towns away might send me to my grave. Once again it's hard because it helps his health but he's also pretty good at it. He's built like a swimmer and when he wants to be he can be pretty fast.

D loves ballet. It's only twice a week right now (except for rehearsals). He's very well suited for it. But it's just the beginning. It'll be three days a week within two years and then even more. But I like that he loves it. And I like that he doesn't have to compete at all with T.

S loves ballet for now. But I think she'd like anything. Her lesson isn't too hard on me as it's just once a week.

And C... well she just has violin like all the kids. But she's already begging for ballet. I'm saying no because I am already driving too much and at her age shows little benefit.

It doesn't sound like they do too much when you think one sport and one instrument. But it's killing me!

I'm thinking of ditching all my carpools as a way to make my life easier. To drive my carpools I have to get a sitter for the kids that won't fit in the car. And now I have to figure out how to get T to swim 30 minutes before dance when I can't pick the other kids up early due to other lessons.

I want talented kids. I love watching them do their things. I like seeing things done well. I'm sort of a why bother if you aren't going to do a good job type of person. And I've asked if they want to quit their activities and they don't. They say they love them. But how do people with bigger families manage. How do you get all the kids where they need to go?

Anyway, I can't fix the activities for now. We are committed and I haven't figured out a better thing to do. I'm thinking I need to try to simplify the time I have so that I don't feel like I just do wash, dishes, and drive kids all over.

Anyway... finding balance may have to be my goal for next year.

Wow Moment

So we had a bit of a breakthrough today. S has been struggling on and off for quite some time. I haven't known what to write. We visited with her psych who gave me some good advice and pumped me up by telling me that I really seemed to understand her well for someone who didn't have a lot of experience dealing with such things.

Then tonight she and C were being turkeys. They both ended up in timeout for going into M's room (a no no and they know it) and for getting into a barbie from my stash o' toys and opening the thing. S was having a hard time in her time out and when I tried to talk to her she kept giving me what we call 'mean face'.

Anyway, it was bedtime and so I asked her if she wanted to stop scowling and do scriptures and prayers with us and she just scowled away. So I told her she could do her prayer or not do it (her decision) and go to bed. I told her I hoped she could make good decisions so she could be happy.

I went back there to check on her and she was making great decisions. She was so angry and yet she was still trying to do the right thing. So I plopped down next to her as if I were looking at the stars. She was having a 'campout' in her Tinkerbell sleeping bag. I plopped myself down next to her as if I were looking at the stars.

We talked about things she liked. I told her she could remember Texas to me if she wanted. She couldn't come up with much. But she said she remembered her biomom pouring D a drink of juice in a cup and that she was wearing a pink shirt. She remembered riding in her biodad's truck. She said her carseat faced forward and D's faced sideways.

Then she told me how much she loved being in our family. And it wasn't a show. I could tell she really meant it. Her eyes give her away every time. She said she was so happy C was her little sister and how lucky she was to have a little sister. She thought it would be boring to live in a family without a little sister who could play all the time.

Then out of the blue she says that she wishes she could be like I was as a little kid. I was a bit perplexed as I didn't know which thing she was talking about. Was she talking about the fact that I lost my teeth earlier than she will? Was she talking about my roller skating days (a recent pic that she saw)? I asked her to clarify and she told me she wished she could just want to obey all the time.

This opened up a great pathway in our conversation. I told her I was so lucky that obedience is one of my 'gifts' in life. I really like to obey. It's something I have rarely struggled with. And then I told her that I really didn't get the gift of singing like she has or monkey bar swinging like D has. I told her that her Heavenly Father thinks she is so awesome that he had to give her special gifts that are for her. We talked about her other gifts. She makes friends very easily. People are drawn to her. We talked about her brain and how she understands things easily. And then I told her that Heavenly Father knows when she struggles and how I am certain he is rooting for her. Tonight she needed to really hear how Heavenly Father made her special. She struggles so with why she got the challenges she has. I know she needs to feel special every day. What kid doesn't? But today she needed a little more.

She asked me if I wished Jesus could walk in front of me and I could just run up and catch up to him. She thought it would be so cool. She told me over and over, " He just loves everyone, even the whole world!"

Then, without any warning, she says, "I'm so sorry I called you fat." This was maybe close to a year ago and I was really surprised remembered, let alone apologized. I explained to her that I knew what she really was saying was that she felt really angry at me. Then she tells me, "It's kind of like Satan." I encouraged her to expound. "He wants people to feel unhappy when he is sad too."

I teared up. How many five year old kids put this together? I'm sad that the fact that she called me fat weighed on her mind for so many months. That's a burden for such a small kid. I'm amazed that she made such a connection.

I stroked her little face and she kept reaching up to grab mine with both of her hands. Her eyes were so sparkly. She was my little girl and I was really feeling her pain. I could comfort her not because she was a kid who needed comforting, but because she was MY kid who needed comforting.

This time it felt right.

And she told me it was a 'wow moment'. I guess she learned about wow moments at school and our time chatting together qualified. I think she was right.

Not Chickenpox

It must have been hives because she woke up spot free :) Oh happy day!

So instead of sitting around home trying to keep germs at bay we went over to a friend's house and participated in watching the pressure gauges of pressure canners filled with canned chicken. It seemed glorious compared to chickenpox.

So now we can just have a normal busy week. But it's normal busy and that I don't mind.