How's this for habit development?

Hmm... let's see. I wasn't mom of the year today. T's foot was feeling a bit better AND I drove them to school. How's that for sweet?

We got off to a rough start today. I can't remember what started things (oh actually that would be waking up but anyway) but D was struggling again. Now this is the thing. We expect this when there is change. It would almost freak me out a bit if the transition back to structured life went easily because he would be harder to predict. He was having a hard time staying out of people's business so as I was putting C's shoes on I asked him to go out front. (We were about a minute away from leaving.) Oh no, there was defiance and then he said he wouldn't go to school. Well little guy, that isn't going to work today because lucky ol' mom gets to go and spend 2 1/2 glorious hours in the dentist's chair while he rips a crown of and gets things ready for a new one. But I was also low on time because like every other day, things were stacked closely and I needed to drop them off, head for respite so C and S could be watched and then immediately go for my spa treatment at the dentist's. My reply (which wasn't a great one) was that he pretty much only had two choices because I couldn't wait around. He could go to school and hopefully have a fun day there or I could take him to the police station because he's legally required to go to school. Outside he went willfully. Then I found out he was climbing the stone on our house. It's a big no no and he knows that. It's destructive. I quickly explained that I wouldn't be able to let him go to a particular friends house for two days because I need to be able to trust that he won't climb on their rocky exterior. (Theirs is already breaking from climbing kids.) He proceeded to just kick the back of my seat in the car as hard as he could on the way to school.

The short story is that he is grounded from friends for a few days while he works on proving to not be destructive. School wasn't super fabulous for him either but he did make great strides with owning up to some behaviors there. It sounds crazy but that was my super proud moment. It's so dang hard for him to admit any little thing he has done wrong and so for him to admit a bigger thing is HUGE. His teacher is so wonderful with him.

A friend reminded me though that it always gets worse before it gets better. So there is the good news. It's getting worse and worse and if tonight is any indicator of the future, I think we may be on the getting better phase of this round. People just don't understand him and I can't say that I always do. But he CRAVES structure. Life has to be so predictable for him to feel comfy cozy. If we let him get away with things once in a while or stretch the rules it almost seems too much for him to bare. You can see why the holidays just aren't so great for him. I'm glad we'll be able to hopefully give him more of what he needs now that we are back to 'normal' life.

When I left the dentist's office today the receptionist asked me if my mouth was too sore. She knows life has been crazy for the last couple of years (not how crazy it really is... just crazy 5 kids with a couple that are adjusting kind of crazy). I told her it was fabulous. I got to watch an entire movie only being interrupted to open my mouth more or turn my head (and I barely heard that through the headphones). I managed to make it all the way through Sense and Sensibility. It's pretty dang relaxing to have your mouth drilled on if you can watch that movie. I noticed this time that House is in it. It took me a few minutes to realize where I had seen him.

M and I had a little time to practice her violin tonight. She was trying to keep up with a 6 year old on youtube. There are some awesome little players out there. Her teacher wants me to send her to Suzuki institute next year. It's just so dang spendy for a kid who will have barely reached double digits in age. (The teacher also always wants T to go but I am not sending him yet.) One week of institute is close to the cost of an entire years worth of lessons. I don't think we can send her unless she shows that she is really dedicated. She needs to know that it is a sacrifice for the whole family if she goes, both in time and money. My thought is that if she can get into the concertos in book 4 then just maybe I'll try to scrounge up the funds to send her and if not the camp can wait. But I did have fun watching her play. She told me she wants to take her instrument to music to play Devil's Dream of all things (fiddling tune). I asked her if she didn't want to play a new gavotte or something instead. (It's that bit of pride that I carry that I need to ditch.) She's not interested in showing off. She just likes Devil's Dream. And I just love that about her. This kid doesn't have to be better than other to feel happy. I'm a lucky mom.

What else? The rest of the day consisted of everyday things. Boring boring! Every time my mom calls she asks what I am doing and it's always one of two things. It's either the laundry or the dishes and that pretty much sums up a chunk of the rest of the day.

And look at this. My boring day is written down. That makes me feel like I have accomplished something. Oh and I should do the periodic reminder that I don't edit these, nor do I go back and check the grammar. I'd never blog if I worried about that.

Just to keep up

It's not that I have much to write. It's more like I need to write to make it more of a habit and this little blog will have to suffer through whatever comes off these fingers.

The kids went back to school today and I was crowned mother of the year once again.

There's more to the story of course. It started yesterday when D was having a rough day. Maybe it was anticipating going back to school. Maybe it was too much sugar. And maybe, just maybe it was simply time for a breakdown.

My morning started with T coming in sobbing because D had hit him in the face right where his face had that not so friendly meeting with the street. I cuddled T a bit (mainly because my bed was warm and I didn't want to get out). I figured that T had done something to encourage
D's behavior. T's a tease (what a sentence that is) and he most likely needs to learn to cut it out so that D will stop punching him, choking him, jumping on his back.... you get the picture.

So I'm not doing any massive blaming although I know that as much as T needs to not tease, D needs to not try to hurt people as much as he can.

And so the day went. We went to church. The kids all wanted to sit on my lap. I only have one dang it so the rotation started. I made sure I had D on there for a while. I wanted him to feel safe and hopefully help him to get over his grouchies.

That didn't work so well. The day ended with him threatening to hit DH with the broom.

So maybe we have a vision problem. DH is 6'6" and D isn't even 4' tall. Someone that small might pick a fight with T but he doesn't pick a fight with someone two and half full feet taller than himself. Then he zoomed into the bathroom and grabbed my Tarte makeup that I adore. It's thrashed because C got into it a long time ago but I still love it enough to use it almost everyday. He ran out the door and tossed it into the garbage. Like I said, he can't think when he rages.

And after about an hour we had a breakthrough. DH saw that he had his CTR ring on and mentioned something about it. D mumbled what it was and then some of the anger started to disappear. He managed to break away after only about an hour. That's really pretty good. D has a really sweet side to him. He can be so kind and helpful when he wants to be. I know he feels bad after having a horrible rage because he tries to make up for it by going overboard with kindness. I wish he could be reasoned with more once he starts cycling. But he really can't and I need to remind myself that there is no reason in that behavior and that we need to try to stop it before he lets it get out of control.

We may be the only family in our area that ends up with a year supply of CTR rings as part of our year supply.

So during all of this T rolled his ankle and started limping around. We iced it and it seemed like he was still pretty mobile.

This morning he appeared to be limping when I was around but once again was moving quite well when I wasn't 'looking'. So I sent them off to school. Then I find out from a friend that he was really in pain and limping. I let the kid WALK to school with a bad foot when it was about 20 degrees outside.

After telling the story and laying my guilt out on the line for a friend I was told that not only was I mother of the year but enough of one that I deserved a great sash. What comic relief. I may just have to make a sash and wear it on days when I feel like that. It could be my guilt sash.

I picked him up after school and he was still limping but not horribly. It made me feel better and the kids were happy to have a ride home. He even said that swim team was his favorite part of the day. The foot can't be hurting too much if swimming was the best party.

Well, either that or it was hurting so much all day that swimming laps was the best thing he could come up with.

I hope it wasn't the latter.

New Years

I'm going to try to be just a bit better at recording what is going on in our casa this year. The new year gives me permission to just start again and to not feel guilty about slacking off last year.

Today went like this.

I woke up to D practicing his instrument. I used my vidalia onion chopper to cube leftover ham for ham and eggs. I went downstairs and saw that the kids who were home yesterday weren't playing downstairs. They must have just been going from toy to toy tossing them on their sides. Those kiddos got to clean it up before breakfast. That being said, breakfast was pleasant.

I went to a great sale at Dillards. I mourned the fact that they didn't have a single Ralph Lauren shirt in the dress shirt section for DH. It's not that we care about the brand so much. DH is just really hard to match up with dress shirts and Ralph Lauren, my good buddy, made a single style that worked for him with his monkey arms. I have always waited for a good sale there and then would stock up on them because they are pricey. Well, so long my good shirts, you no longer have a home at my Dillards. I did manage to come home with a number of things though.

DH and I finished season 3 of Little Mosque. This morning when I told DH we were going to have to watch a bit C said, "Yeah.... Little Mosque!" She may be the only kid in our state saying that this year.

I made dinner and ewwww, I guess one of my stray hairs fell into it. That kind of killed DH's appetite for this first dinner of the year.

I went to the store to buy some neosporin like stuff. T and the other older two were sledding outside today and he wasn't careful enough. Needless to say, his face shows of a battle he lost with the street. He walked around for many (and I mean many) hours with a wet washcloth on his face.

Hopefully we will catch up on some sleep tonight. Last night I took C into the ER because she was belly breathing. We watched the celebration in NYC on the television there. We lucked out though and her SO2 rates came up while we were there. They were in the 80s when we arrived then hung out at 92 and then came up a bit. She came home with her own puffer and a sucker. She called us both 'scrumpies' while we were there. "We're scrumpy girls mom."

I'll be her scrumpy momma any day.

miracles

I believe in miracles. I really do. It just seems like lately I have been too dang pig headed (I originally typed big headed... that's accurate for me too) to ask for the help I need.

Last night after I blogged I was feeling a little uncomfortable and a little hot. I'm a bit of a hypochondriac though and I thought I was making it up. Four hours after falling asleep M came in to tell me that she got sick like D but that she had made it to the bathroom. I was thrilled. I so wasn't in the mood to clean the carpets again.

Then I noticed the horrible pain in my stomach (actually I think it had to be those dang intestines because I swear my stomach isn't that high). I went to the far bathroom in my parents' house and tried to lay on the floor. I tried everything to get rid of the pain or even to lessen it. So here I am screaming on the floor. This may sound crazy but I really don't remember hurting like that since I had Madeleine. I tried every position to get comfy and nothing would work. And dang it, I could not just be sick either.

So I prayed.

And then I got the feeling to go outside. (This bathroom has three doors. One goes into a hall, another into a bedroom and the last out to the backyard.) I was all sweaty so I decided to just lay down on the concrete by the grass with a towel on me. It seems a bit crazy to do that in December. Things started spinning just a bit while I rested there at first and then within a minute ALL of the pain in my stomach disappeared and I felt fine.

I immediately recognized it as an answer to prayer. Then I didn't know what to do. So I just stayed still. DH got up in the meantime and came to find me. I told him I felt fine but didn't know if I should move and I told him he could go running and that I would just hang out on the cement in the backyard.

There was another blessing. I got to watch the sky illuminate for the day. I never have time for that at home. I watched the birds fly from one palm to another. And I marvelled in all that God has created.

It took one massive stomach ache to humble me enough to remember.

And now I am going to do some more praying on what to do to help S and D. I think I have been relying a bit too much on myself.

11 years

Today marked 11 years. 11 year olds are so old. I guess that makes me old too.



It was the first time that Niko's birthday was on a Sunday. It matched up with the day he was born. I have worried for a long time how I would handle Niko's day being a Sunday. I just imagined that it would be the day to relive everything.

It wasn't.

I guess that's a blessing.

We knew when the kids got up it was going to be a rough day. D started out his day rough and it just never got better. He bit DH and so DH was somewhat done with him. The psych told us to not take that behavior from him. She said that doing things like that necessitates him being alone. Well, here at my mom's house that doesn't give me a lot of options. We figured that he could play outside in the nice weather. He climbed the fence and was up seven feet in the air. I don't know what he was trying to prove. But when we didn't give him a ton of attention for it he seemed less interested. But later tonight he decided to escape and climb over the fence into the front yard. What in the heck should be do with this kid? We were keeping an eye on him because we worried he would climb into the pool area. He can't swim. He says he can because he finally got so he could let go of the wall for 5 seconds but in reality, he can't swim. And, well, it's cold. I told DH I worried that he would do something crazy and get in the water. Then he was mad at bedtime. He just wasn't into being able to handle going to bed. He's into getting on top of people and holding them down. Several times this past week he has done that to T as well. T isn't a fighter. It's just not in him. (My sis jokes that he'll be a poet because of it.) He'll sit and hold T down while he slams on his neck. We finally told T to fight back if he's doing that because it isn't safe but T just can't get himself to do it.

So finally tonight we get him asleep. We had him wait in the bathroom at the far end of the house. He couldn't be outside. He couldn't be by the other kids. Then when he zonked out, DH moved him into our room.

We fell asleep and then about an hour later we awoke to D barfing all over the place. Maybe he was feeling yucky earlier today. Maybe his high anxiety levels made him sick. I have no idea. I just know that he ate WAY too much at dinner.

Today (I guess it's a new day now) we were supposed to go and do the shoe thing with the kids and go get fabulous Mexican food. I'm not quite sure how all this will play out now. I'm actually pretty grateful that we had to isolate him today. Hopefully he didn't spread whatever caused him to get sick.

And that's why I haven't been able to be overly consumed with my Niko. I had a teary moment at the cemetery. A trip there wouldn't be the same without a few tears. The kids had a bunch of fun running around like they always do.

But there wasn't that reliving 11 years ago. It wasn't too bad actually. We didn't even have any flowers for the boys because it was Sunday and we didn't want to break the Sabbath. And that was okay too. We went there and checked things out. If we make it back with some flowers that will be great and if we don't, I think it'll be okay too.

For being such a wuss I have turned into a pretty tough cookie.

Well, unless someone throws up.

Now what was the function of the executive branch again?

I'm just wondering these days if I didn't follow things like I should back in junior high. Weren't there three branches and wasn't the legislative branch supposed to be in charge of making the laws?

Hmmm... maybe I slept through something.

It seems our president thinks he's still a legislator or something. I mean, he seems like a nice guy. He has a nice wife and cute kids. I think he thinks he is doing the right thing.

But I'm not going with the flattery and smooth talk.

And well, I want him to know where he falls in the checks and balances established so long ago.

Catching Up

School has started.

It has been great. The days seem to pass so much faster now.

M loves it. T loves it. D loves it. And mom loves it.

S got half day preschool. I was bummed as I thought it would help me to solve a few of my problems if she got extended day. I guess I need to figure that out on my own. They are some doozies. But I guess doozies don't have much of a chance of going away without a bunch of work. Bummer.

C outgrew most of her 3t clothes. I put a tee on her and she had half her tummy hanging out. Where did the little baby go?

Today my friend came over to bring me a Diet Coke. C kept trying to hide her bottle behind my back. My friend always tells her she shouldn't have a bottle and C was doing her best to hide the goods. Funny kid!

Life has been life and it hasn't all been pretty by any means. I've been grouchy and unable to master those normal feelings of envy and selfishness. I'm working on it though and think I might be making a little bit of progress.

But what I wanted to write about was going to the movies with two friends tonight to celebrate a birthday. First of all I waited all day for dinner. Tomorrow I'll look like a puffer fish because I ate pretty much a side of fries and a small cup of soup. Every ounce of water in my being will find a home in my face tomorrow. And it'll still be worth it because they were great fries.

Then we went to see Julie and Julia or something like that. I had never heard of the movie but I thought it was great. Either life has gotten to the point where I just don't know what is funny or this movie is really hilarious. I'll take the latter. It made me want to go back on vacation to France. But for now a few images and a couple of actors with real accents will have to tide me over.

Then, as we were leaving, my friend saw a coupon on the ground. (This is so NOT a coupon picking up friend). She bent over to collect it for me and I started laughing so hard. Okay, secretly inside I also was wondering what coupon she found. I peed my pants two times in the mall there laughing.

I needed to laugh a nice big cackle almost snort laugh. What good friends I have that would put up with me crossing my legs cackling away in the mall.