miracles

I believe in miracles. I really do. It just seems like lately I have been too dang pig headed (I originally typed big headed... that's accurate for me too) to ask for the help I need.

Last night after I blogged I was feeling a little uncomfortable and a little hot. I'm a bit of a hypochondriac though and I thought I was making it up. Four hours after falling asleep M came in to tell me that she got sick like D but that she had made it to the bathroom. I was thrilled. I so wasn't in the mood to clean the carpets again.

Then I noticed the horrible pain in my stomach (actually I think it had to be those dang intestines because I swear my stomach isn't that high). I went to the far bathroom in my parents' house and tried to lay on the floor. I tried everything to get rid of the pain or even to lessen it. So here I am screaming on the floor. This may sound crazy but I really don't remember hurting like that since I had Madeleine. I tried every position to get comfy and nothing would work. And dang it, I could not just be sick either.

So I prayed.

And then I got the feeling to go outside. (This bathroom has three doors. One goes into a hall, another into a bedroom and the last out to the backyard.) I was all sweaty so I decided to just lay down on the concrete by the grass with a towel on me. It seems a bit crazy to do that in December. Things started spinning just a bit while I rested there at first and then within a minute ALL of the pain in my stomach disappeared and I felt fine.

I immediately recognized it as an answer to prayer. Then I didn't know what to do. So I just stayed still. DH got up in the meantime and came to find me. I told him I felt fine but didn't know if I should move and I told him he could go running and that I would just hang out on the cement in the backyard.

There was another blessing. I got to watch the sky illuminate for the day. I never have time for that at home. I watched the birds fly from one palm to another. And I marvelled in all that God has created.

It took one massive stomach ache to humble me enough to remember.

And now I am going to do some more praying on what to do to help S and D. I think I have been relying a bit too much on myself.

11 years

Today marked 11 years. 11 year olds are so old. I guess that makes me old too.



It was the first time that Niko's birthday was on a Sunday. It matched up with the day he was born. I have worried for a long time how I would handle Niko's day being a Sunday. I just imagined that it would be the day to relive everything.

It wasn't.

I guess that's a blessing.

We knew when the kids got up it was going to be a rough day. D started out his day rough and it just never got better. He bit DH and so DH was somewhat done with him. The psych told us to not take that behavior from him. She said that doing things like that necessitates him being alone. Well, here at my mom's house that doesn't give me a lot of options. We figured that he could play outside in the nice weather. He climbed the fence and was up seven feet in the air. I don't know what he was trying to prove. But when we didn't give him a ton of attention for it he seemed less interested. But later tonight he decided to escape and climb over the fence into the front yard. What in the heck should be do with this kid? We were keeping an eye on him because we worried he would climb into the pool area. He can't swim. He says he can because he finally got so he could let go of the wall for 5 seconds but in reality, he can't swim. And, well, it's cold. I told DH I worried that he would do something crazy and get in the water. Then he was mad at bedtime. He just wasn't into being able to handle going to bed. He's into getting on top of people and holding them down. Several times this past week he has done that to T as well. T isn't a fighter. It's just not in him. (My sis jokes that he'll be a poet because of it.) He'll sit and hold T down while he slams on his neck. We finally told T to fight back if he's doing that because it isn't safe but T just can't get himself to do it.

So finally tonight we get him asleep. We had him wait in the bathroom at the far end of the house. He couldn't be outside. He couldn't be by the other kids. Then when he zonked out, DH moved him into our room.

We fell asleep and then about an hour later we awoke to D barfing all over the place. Maybe he was feeling yucky earlier today. Maybe his high anxiety levels made him sick. I have no idea. I just know that he ate WAY too much at dinner.

Today (I guess it's a new day now) we were supposed to go and do the shoe thing with the kids and go get fabulous Mexican food. I'm not quite sure how all this will play out now. I'm actually pretty grateful that we had to isolate him today. Hopefully he didn't spread whatever caused him to get sick.

And that's why I haven't been able to be overly consumed with my Niko. I had a teary moment at the cemetery. A trip there wouldn't be the same without a few tears. The kids had a bunch of fun running around like they always do.

But there wasn't that reliving 11 years ago. It wasn't too bad actually. We didn't even have any flowers for the boys because it was Sunday and we didn't want to break the Sabbath. And that was okay too. We went there and checked things out. If we make it back with some flowers that will be great and if we don't, I think it'll be okay too.

For being such a wuss I have turned into a pretty tough cookie.

Well, unless someone throws up.

Now what was the function of the executive branch again?

I'm just wondering these days if I didn't follow things like I should back in junior high. Weren't there three branches and wasn't the legislative branch supposed to be in charge of making the laws?

Hmmm... maybe I slept through something.

It seems our president thinks he's still a legislator or something. I mean, he seems like a nice guy. He has a nice wife and cute kids. I think he thinks he is doing the right thing.

But I'm not going with the flattery and smooth talk.

And well, I want him to know where he falls in the checks and balances established so long ago.

Catching Up

School has started.

It has been great. The days seem to pass so much faster now.

M loves it. T loves it. D loves it. And mom loves it.

S got half day preschool. I was bummed as I thought it would help me to solve a few of my problems if she got extended day. I guess I need to figure that out on my own. They are some doozies. But I guess doozies don't have much of a chance of going away without a bunch of work. Bummer.

C outgrew most of her 3t clothes. I put a tee on her and she had half her tummy hanging out. Where did the little baby go?

Today my friend came over to bring me a Diet Coke. C kept trying to hide her bottle behind my back. My friend always tells her she shouldn't have a bottle and C was doing her best to hide the goods. Funny kid!

Life has been life and it hasn't all been pretty by any means. I've been grouchy and unable to master those normal feelings of envy and selfishness. I'm working on it though and think I might be making a little bit of progress.

But what I wanted to write about was going to the movies with two friends tonight to celebrate a birthday. First of all I waited all day for dinner. Tomorrow I'll look like a puffer fish because I ate pretty much a side of fries and a small cup of soup. Every ounce of water in my being will find a home in my face tomorrow. And it'll still be worth it because they were great fries.

Then we went to see Julie and Julia or something like that. I had never heard of the movie but I thought it was great. Either life has gotten to the point where I just don't know what is funny or this movie is really hilarious. I'll take the latter. It made me want to go back on vacation to France. But for now a few images and a couple of actors with real accents will have to tide me over.

Then, as we were leaving, my friend saw a coupon on the ground. (This is so NOT a coupon picking up friend). She bent over to collect it for me and I started laughing so hard. Okay, secretly inside I also was wondering what coupon she found. I peed my pants two times in the mall there laughing.

I needed to laugh a nice big cackle almost snort laugh. What good friends I have that would put up with me crossing my legs cackling away in the mall.

Being Optimistic

I think S's cycle is broken. She pulled out her worst behaviors and for now we have to have new rules about her supervision. But this morning her demeanor was different and she appears to have decided to be happy again. I'm okay with her throwing a fit here and there like a normal 4 year old. Those are easy to deal with .

DH came in to tell me this morning. I was just waking up. He said, "It has broken."

My first thought was, "You have got to be kidding me. Something else broke?"

Then S came in and it was easy to see.

I am breathing so much easier. I didn't realize that I had been taking shorter breaths for the last few weeks (included D's time). It feels great to take slower and relaxed breaths. I'll have to add that to what I do intentionally when stressed because it feels great.

Yesterday C did a funny thing. We went to DH's parents house for a BBQ and our assignment was some ice. C thought he said mice. When we told her it was ice she started saying, "I like mice in my drink." (giggle giggle) "Mommy likes mice in her drinks." (giggle giggle). "You don't like some ice. You like some mice."

It was funny how she was using the words.

Another funny thing happened. M had her friend K over to play. I asked them what they played and M said they read. What a party!

A little update

I thought I should write down a few funny things. They do happen and I am super grateful for them.

Yesterday M received a phone call from my mom who called to get her pumped up about their trip to Alaska. My mom told her about the baby humpback that was seen near their lodge, the fish, and a pod of orcas. M came out so excited to tell me what was 'awesomely awesome'. Apparently there is a library.

T got his jammers for his first swim meet. I could swear these things are the size of an American Girl doll outfit. He wanted to wear them today to play at the neighbors. I let him even though it gave me the heebie jeebies.

Speaking of American Girl things, C brought the catalogue to dinner yesterday. She just had to check things out. What a turkey! Then tonight she put herself to bed after I mentioned bedtime. I went looking for her and found her asleep on her pillow.

D got the a okay from his doctor to go back to normal activities. His arm is pretty much healed. He still needs to gain a little ground but he can go back to swinging monkey bars.

And S, she finished preschool. It's kind of nice to not have to drive her every day. We started working on reading this week. I think she can pick it up pretty easily. She and her best buddy have been practically glued at the hip since preschool ended.

Lastly, I bought a basketball hoop. I was so thrilled. I have wanted one, thinking that it might help the boys have something in common. I looked for one online and found on in my town for TEN buckaroos. Then I called and realized it was someone I knew. Yipeeiay! (I know. I botched the spelling.)

It hasn't added to the bonding process yet but at least they are outside. I am learning a bunch about the rules of basketball as they tattle on each other. I guess I have to learn some way.

Yesterday I took T, S, C and S's friend to a few stores to run errands. We made it through both stores and at the checkout a lady informed me that T had put something in his pocket.

I was one very unhappy camper. I told T to empty those pockets and found (not that I was doubting that lady) two little cylindrical packages.

The kids was trying to steal ROLAIDS.

I was still mortified because, come on, the kids knows better.

But inside I also had to laugh that the kid tried to take antacids of all things.

And then on the way home I asked him what I always tell people I love about him. He became very somber and said that he always told the truth.

I'm hoping that's the end of it.