Tender Mercies

We've had quite the last few weeks.

We had a monkey bar incident. D learned that you just can't do monkey bars with only one hand. A little surgery later and breaks in two places, the arm is on the mend. It's hard to visualize one armed monkey bar swinging.

We have a new therapist to try for S. We went to a different pediatrician and he pretty much told us what we sort of already knew. It's that dang RAD (and I don't mean the nice Royal Academy of Dance). We have a RADish or two it appears. So onto a therapist over 50 miles away to see what we can do about this reactive attachment disorder. What's really funny is that S has had a great week and a half since D flopped to the turkey side. I don't know how they do that. I just keep hoping and hoping (and then hoping some more) that she will really feel the joy that making good decisions brings. I don't expect her to be perfect. What kid her age doesn't have a fit here or there. I just don't want her to hulkify each time. And D? I'm hoping the getting the cast off helps. Today he spent a huge chunk of the day screaming at me. I have to lay out the consequences and then not give negative attention. That is so much more tricky than it sounds. DH is seeing it more which at least makes me feel validated. I swear I am not imagining this whole thing. Last week DH was on the phone to me and could just hear the screaming in the background. He asked why D isn't like that when he is home and I just had to tell him it's because he's pretty much not home. It's not hard to survive dinner, scriptures, prayers, and off to bed. I think that made him think a little. Today it was similar. D was screaming and screaming. After what was probably 10 minutes of talking to DH I said to the phone something that referenced DH. The second D heard it he stopped screaming. And when I finished the conversation he started it back up beginning with screaming because I "have to tell DH everything!" This parenting stuff is hard work, dang it! You want to give attention for good things and make sure they know it is sincere. Then you need to have consequences all prepared before anything ever happens and want make sure the kids are aware of them. And then you have to actually follow through. I just want to be lazy sometimes and not follow through. But that is like parenting suicide. If you don't follow though, the kid (radishes at least and maybe most kids) will think you can't be trusted to do what you say. So they feel less safe. Tonight was painful that way. We had been doing consequences all day. I tried giving him a clean slate after school. (In fact, the kids even had ice cream after school... granted they were little individual containers that had melted a bit and refrozen from a neighbor... but my kids don't care.) But I had told him he couldn't play with friends after school if he was going to choose to scream at me. So I sent him on his way to the backyard to have some fun and he snuck out. What's horrible, if I hadn't been screamed at all morning I would have thought, "What a turkey!" But I was tired. So I had him come in to do some writing. I found a poem about choosing the right to copy (a kid poem) and he just kept screaming. I finally just told him there would be 4 warnings and then he would get a quick early dinner and off to bed he would go. He would push it and push it and finally I gave him early dinner and sent him off. I peeked in his room after he had cooled down and chatted with him for a few minutes (while I burned part of the meat I was cooking on the stove). I couldn't let him go to bed thinking he was a horrible kid or that he wasn't loved. So I went in, told him how much I loved him and wanted him to grow up to be happy. And of course I told him that adults that spend all of their time throwing tantrums are never happy and that's why we have to figure out how to deal with frustrations as we grow. I told him I was sorry that he saw people screaming and hurting each other when he was little. I asked how it made him feel when that happened. And then I told him I want him to learn how to really be happy. I gave him a hug and went on my way. We'll see how tomorrow goes.

On another note... I have earned my gazillionth crappy parent award today. M was complaining this morning that she didn't feel well and couldn't practice. I made her practice anyway. And as I was IM'ing with DH asking him for suggestions of what to do with D she called from school. She had a stomach bug and had thrown up in the bathroom. GO MOM! She has felt pretty great tonight though and actually practiced without being asked. I found some videos of kids on youtube playing her songs very well. It was super motivating for her.

Oh, and a funny M thing. She and her best buddy had a little fight/miscommunication recently. My friend was driving them to dance and listened to the conversation about it the next day. Her friend said something about how she thought M had told her to give M's soda pop to the boys at the basketball hoop. (Really, M wanted her to shake it and tease them.) I guess M nodded her head and her friend thought that meant yes (imagine that!). So the next day my friend overhears M say something about how, "Sometimes when I nod my head it means yes and sometimes it means go get the scooter." I was laughing so hard. What a goofy kid.

I guess I didn't really give an update on S. She has been so much happier. We are ignoring some of our not so favorite behaviors. Well, ignoring really isn't the right word. We aren't looking for them but do acknowledge them when we see them (that follow through thing). It seems to be helping a bit, even if it is just to lower my frustration level.

T started swim team. The kid can still swim. I am thrilled. It's three days a week but at least it is nearby. I hope it strengthens his lungs.

And C is as hilarious as ever. She learned to pedal a bike (with training wheels of course). She is ditching her 3 wheeled scooter for the big kids kind. But perhaps the most funny thing is how involved she is in everyone's business. We were at DH's parents house and the grown ups were talking about books. She walked in, put her arms up on the table and asked, "So what are you guys talking about?" Where did I get this kid? She tells me which things are full of sugar and that it makes things yummy. (She is torturing me dang it!)

I shouldn't forget the grownups in the house. DH didn't get drawn for his marathon. I don't quite know what he will do. But as I type he is on the treadmill. We are still doing our crazy diet. He has lost double digit pounds while trying to eat and eat. I have lost next to nothing while eating a fraction of his food. Oh well, it's about habits (or something). Maybe it'll help keep me away from vanity. We have been off refined sugar and gluten for over two months now.

And I can't forget Mother's Day. DH got me something I have been wanting and wanting. I am now the proud owner of a Magic Bullet blender. I have used that thing a ton of times in the last couple of days. This morning alone I used it for super fluffy omelets for DH and then for coconut flour pancakes for his lunch. I did, however, over pulverise some veggies. Oh well, it's really fun.

And now for the tender mercies. C went on the potty tonight. We aren't training her. I did that for a few days a long time ago and gave up. She wasn't even two at the time. Twice in the last week or so she has just gone in and put the potty seat on, taken her diaper off, and gone. And another good thing was that her diaper was only wet.

Another TM was that we found out we have some water rights to sell that will pretty much pay for T's swim team for a chunk of the year and we won't have to move our budget around. I am thrilled about that.

I need to keep my eye out for the tender mercies. They are all over the place. I need to not lose sight of them.