I need to quickly talk about M's dancing in order to make this seem like a FABULOUS deal.
This week was observation week. M is not naturally strong or physically hardworking. On Tuesday I went to watch her dance. I notice that she pretty much works hard when the teacher is near but then totally slacks off.
On Wednesday I went and watched her pointe class. I had never seen that one because I don't drive that day. She did the same thing.
So that night I asked her about it and she said, "You know mom, there is this thing called sweat."
Um, yeah, it's a good thing.
I mentioned it to my good friend and she watched her in class the next day. She did the same thing. She puts herself in the corner and then only works when someone is watching. That night we had a talk. I told her she doesn't have to dance. In fact, it saves me a huge chunk of change if she doesn't. She insists that she will try harder and she really likes it. She made a chart to follow for the summer with strengthening and stretching (this is normal for her... she really adores making charts... but somehow she doesn't really ever do the work on them).
So today I went to a few garage sales. I found this great bag for Madeleine. Not only is it super cute with adorable embroidered flowers, but it also says, "Dance like no one is watching."
PERFECT!
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
The Good and The Ugly
Let me start out nice and chipper.
We found an earth angel. She's the therapist we found at the place that specializes just in kids. I was so hesitant to try therapy again. It seems like so much of it last time didn't accomplish much. I did get a few things from it but in reality when looking back it didn't pay off for the amount of work it took to get the other kids watched while I went with each kid.
I was feeling a little frazzled the morning of the appointment. M had a talent show that morning. Then I came home to finish filling out the paperwork for the therapist and a lady from the preschool stopped by because she was around and needed to make a contact. I guess I'll give the lady a name. It's Jan and she is super nice. I pretty much told her that we could get the meeting out of the way if she didn't mind me filling out this other paperwork while we spoke and if she could ignore my house. Then I took D over to another friend's house so he could hang out there for 30 minutes until K started. S and I then went to pick up DH so we could make the trek together. I called DH's sister on the way up to tell her we had left and found out that her schedule had gotten a little crazy and she had forgotten. In the end, it all worked out. She came and got the baby from another SIL's house that was a hop skip and a jump away from the therapy place.
Once we got in the center S went for the toys. There was a little dark haired girl there that was probably around 3. She asked me who DH was and I replied it was S's daddy. The little girl started calling DH daddy. It made me really sad because that wasn't a name just associated with her daddy. When her mom or guardian came to get her she pointed to DH and said he was daddy and the lady corrected her.
So onto angel therapist. We went in her office. Out came the toys. S tried to push a few boundaries but angel therapist told her no.
Throughout the 2 hour meeting we learned the following:
S needs to soothe our dog. She said that it would really help her. The dog is now her responsibility (with us checking up frequently of course). S is so happy to feed her, give her water, scoop her waste, and give her hugs. When she starts to be really grouchy I send her out and tell her the dog is old and tired and needs some extra attention. S is just so proud of her new job. She went to the neighbor's today (her best buddy has been out of town for the long weekend) and was so excited to tell of her responsibility.
She also told us that S and D will always be able to sense when we are feeling like we need a break. She said the biokids just aren't programmed to have the same keen senses. So we are to try to reframe feelings of being manipulated with, "Wow, that is amazing that this kid can adapt to try to meet her needs." It's a tricky thing to reframe but with S it has been working.
She encouraged us to stop things when they start. (Which we knew for certain.) But she said to just be frank. "Is this working for you? Just tell me what you really want and I'll tell you if it's possible and what it takes to make it work." For S this has been working. It really throws her off guard and she stops her tantrums.
One really crazy thing she told us was that we aren't going to be able to get her to stop getting in people's personal space until we reeducated her about her body. She said that most RADishes are klutzy. It's because they have no sense of personal space and in turn just don't pay attention their bodies and space in general. That really does explain how she can run into walls and trip over just about anything. She said that swimming and karate are really great activities. She said karate is super great because they reinforce respecting your elders. She said it needs to be very disciplined but still promote awareness of where she is in her space. Until then she will still grab onto strangers but hopefully we learned from our incident at the ball game where she was touching the hairy leg of the man next to her.
Lastly, she said that we need to make her life super predictable. She said that before we go somewhere we should say something like, "Okay, we are going to get in the car when the big hand is on the such and such (which means we need a clock), then you are going to climb in the car and get buckled into your seat. " She said the predictability is key. I never thought of things like this causing her anxiety but I guess it could. Today when she asked me over and over if we were almost home (still 45 min away) I told her we would almost be home after we passed DH's work and after we entered neighborhoods. It worked like a charm.
So this angel therapist gave us great advice and it's working. It has really worked for my attachment to her as well. I have been wanting to pick her up and tickle her and not just do it because she needs it. She was filling my tank a bit.
But all can't be good and angel therapy isn't quite cutting it yet with my other RADish. He had a great time at DH's parents' cabin. He went for 4 nights to celebrate his kindergarten graduation. I was really encouraged because things went so well with S while he was there. I thought I had some of these techniques under my belt.
I flopped.
The noise level went up fast when he arrived home. It had been so quiet with just moderate bickering now and then between siblings. I tried to do the predict how everything will go thing with him. I gave him tons of attention. I showed him how we worked in his room so T's stuff wouldn't be cluttering his closet. (T has been pretty much living in M's room while we wait on his flooring.) I snuggled with him and gave him lots of thumbs ups.
Then it happened. It was bedtime. Before sending him off I told him how I knew the sun was up but that his body still needed sleep whether the sun is up or not. I reminded him that he is expected to stay in his bed and to be quiet as he tries to sleep.
It worked for maybe 10 minutes. The little girls were both asleep by then. Then he opened the door and started screaming that he couldn't sleep. (You know, because screaming it is going to make it happen NOT!) I ignored the behavior and ignored it and finally I couldn't hack it anymore. He was going to wake up the other two so I went back and said that if he needed to be quiet as he tried to go to sleep or there would be extra chores the next morning.
Then it started. I was the rudest mom ever. (That's his adjective of me.) It was my fault he couldn't sleep because it was too bright in his room. And he screamed and screamed. We were now going on almost two hours of him screaming and I called DH and he said to send him to the basement if he was going to scream. And then it got even louder and more horrible.
And although I know to take what a kindergartner says with a grain of salt. there is a side of me that just can't take it. I'm not that thick skinned to try so hard to do what is right and have someone just rip into me all the time.
I picked him up when he wouldn't leave his room to go to the basement (because he was going to wake up the girls) and set him down at the top of the stairs. He just screamed at me more and then I did what I hate to do.
I told him he could chose to obey or I would find something to throw away.
I'll admit, this is a MISTAKE on my part. I told him to remember that I would follow through or I would be a liar he coudln't believe and that I really wanted him to have his stuff because I wanted him to be happy but that I would let him chose. So he went downstairs and started his tirade again and began throwing toys.
I quietly slipped out of the house and went two doors down and asked my neighbor to sit in my house while I had five minutes.
(If this were a play I would say enter Second Angel.)
I left and intended to go and get a Diet Coke. But when I started the car the sobs came out. It was the dead kid cry. It's a horrible horrible cry because it hurts so deeply in your chest.
I never left the front yard. I got that dang cry out and then prayed and prayed. And luckily I only went over my 5 minutes by 5 more. Then I came in and Second Angel and I talked about the new Supreme Court nominee for a second and then she gave me some heartfelt advice that I need to fill my tank up a bit because I am running out of stuff to give.
So maybe I was praying for the wrong thing. Maybe I need to pray for a way to fill my tank.
And she reminded me (she had told D to get his behind into bed and to quit screaming and of course he stopped) that the reason he treats me like that is because I'm the one he made the connection with. She said of course he isn't going to act like that to his Granny, DH or even her. Because in the end he doesn't really care so much whether they come or go. But his Granny told me that when he caught a fish the first thing he wanted to do was call me. It must be a horrible inner struggle to constantly feel like you have to push people away because they will disappoint you.
So I am reframing it, just a bit too late.
Oh and the other 3 are fine. M did a great job in the talent show considering she and her buddy didn't prepare much. I was really proud of her. I watched T at swim team on Friday and I couldn't believe at how much better he is doing. He was the first one done with chores on Saturday. It took the girls about 2 hours longer because they were dillydallying. (Oh and the chores were a 25-30 minute thing max!) C is just hilarious. M had some leftover Peeps from Easter. Everybody knows C's favorite color is blue. But this time she changed it to yellow to match the Peeps. M was a sucker and gave her one.
And with that, I am too tired to continue. I guess it's fortunate that it is past my bedtime :).
We found an earth angel. She's the therapist we found at the place that specializes just in kids. I was so hesitant to try therapy again. It seems like so much of it last time didn't accomplish much. I did get a few things from it but in reality when looking back it didn't pay off for the amount of work it took to get the other kids watched while I went with each kid.
I was feeling a little frazzled the morning of the appointment. M had a talent show that morning. Then I came home to finish filling out the paperwork for the therapist and a lady from the preschool stopped by because she was around and needed to make a contact. I guess I'll give the lady a name. It's Jan and she is super nice. I pretty much told her that we could get the meeting out of the way if she didn't mind me filling out this other paperwork while we spoke and if she could ignore my house. Then I took D over to another friend's house so he could hang out there for 30 minutes until K started. S and I then went to pick up DH so we could make the trek together. I called DH's sister on the way up to tell her we had left and found out that her schedule had gotten a little crazy and she had forgotten. In the end, it all worked out. She came and got the baby from another SIL's house that was a hop skip and a jump away from the therapy place.
Once we got in the center S went for the toys. There was a little dark haired girl there that was probably around 3. She asked me who DH was and I replied it was S's daddy. The little girl started calling DH daddy. It made me really sad because that wasn't a name just associated with her daddy. When her mom or guardian came to get her she pointed to DH and said he was daddy and the lady corrected her.
So onto angel therapist. We went in her office. Out came the toys. S tried to push a few boundaries but angel therapist told her no.
Throughout the 2 hour meeting we learned the following:
S needs to soothe our dog. She said that it would really help her. The dog is now her responsibility (with us checking up frequently of course). S is so happy to feed her, give her water, scoop her waste, and give her hugs. When she starts to be really grouchy I send her out and tell her the dog is old and tired and needs some extra attention. S is just so proud of her new job. She went to the neighbor's today (her best buddy has been out of town for the long weekend) and was so excited to tell of her responsibility.
She also told us that S and D will always be able to sense when we are feeling like we need a break. She said the biokids just aren't programmed to have the same keen senses. So we are to try to reframe feelings of being manipulated with, "Wow, that is amazing that this kid can adapt to try to meet her needs." It's a tricky thing to reframe but with S it has been working.
She encouraged us to stop things when they start. (Which we knew for certain.) But she said to just be frank. "Is this working for you? Just tell me what you really want and I'll tell you if it's possible and what it takes to make it work." For S this has been working. It really throws her off guard and she stops her tantrums.
One really crazy thing she told us was that we aren't going to be able to get her to stop getting in people's personal space until we reeducated her about her body. She said that most RADishes are klutzy. It's because they have no sense of personal space and in turn just don't pay attention their bodies and space in general. That really does explain how she can run into walls and trip over just about anything. She said that swimming and karate are really great activities. She said karate is super great because they reinforce respecting your elders. She said it needs to be very disciplined but still promote awareness of where she is in her space. Until then she will still grab onto strangers but hopefully we learned from our incident at the ball game where she was touching the hairy leg of the man next to her.
Lastly, she said that we need to make her life super predictable. She said that before we go somewhere we should say something like, "Okay, we are going to get in the car when the big hand is on the such and such (which means we need a clock), then you are going to climb in the car and get buckled into your seat. " She said the predictability is key. I never thought of things like this causing her anxiety but I guess it could. Today when she asked me over and over if we were almost home (still 45 min away) I told her we would almost be home after we passed DH's work and after we entered neighborhoods. It worked like a charm.
So this angel therapist gave us great advice and it's working. It has really worked for my attachment to her as well. I have been wanting to pick her up and tickle her and not just do it because she needs it. She was filling my tank a bit.
But all can't be good and angel therapy isn't quite cutting it yet with my other RADish. He had a great time at DH's parents' cabin. He went for 4 nights to celebrate his kindergarten graduation. I was really encouraged because things went so well with S while he was there. I thought I had some of these techniques under my belt.
I flopped.
The noise level went up fast when he arrived home. It had been so quiet with just moderate bickering now and then between siblings. I tried to do the predict how everything will go thing with him. I gave him tons of attention. I showed him how we worked in his room so T's stuff wouldn't be cluttering his closet. (T has been pretty much living in M's room while we wait on his flooring.) I snuggled with him and gave him lots of thumbs ups.
Then it happened. It was bedtime. Before sending him off I told him how I knew the sun was up but that his body still needed sleep whether the sun is up or not. I reminded him that he is expected to stay in his bed and to be quiet as he tries to sleep.
It worked for maybe 10 minutes. The little girls were both asleep by then. Then he opened the door and started screaming that he couldn't sleep. (You know, because screaming it is going to make it happen NOT!) I ignored the behavior and ignored it and finally I couldn't hack it anymore. He was going to wake up the other two so I went back and said that if he needed to be quiet as he tried to go to sleep or there would be extra chores the next morning.
Then it started. I was the rudest mom ever. (That's his adjective of me.) It was my fault he couldn't sleep because it was too bright in his room. And he screamed and screamed. We were now going on almost two hours of him screaming and I called DH and he said to send him to the basement if he was going to scream. And then it got even louder and more horrible.
And although I know to take what a kindergartner says with a grain of salt. there is a side of me that just can't take it. I'm not that thick skinned to try so hard to do what is right and have someone just rip into me all the time.
I picked him up when he wouldn't leave his room to go to the basement (because he was going to wake up the girls) and set him down at the top of the stairs. He just screamed at me more and then I did what I hate to do.
I told him he could chose to obey or I would find something to throw away.
I'll admit, this is a MISTAKE on my part. I told him to remember that I would follow through or I would be a liar he coudln't believe and that I really wanted him to have his stuff because I wanted him to be happy but that I would let him chose. So he went downstairs and started his tirade again and began throwing toys.
I quietly slipped out of the house and went two doors down and asked my neighbor to sit in my house while I had five minutes.
(If this were a play I would say enter Second Angel.)
I left and intended to go and get a Diet Coke. But when I started the car the sobs came out. It was the dead kid cry. It's a horrible horrible cry because it hurts so deeply in your chest.
I never left the front yard. I got that dang cry out and then prayed and prayed. And luckily I only went over my 5 minutes by 5 more. Then I came in and Second Angel and I talked about the new Supreme Court nominee for a second and then she gave me some heartfelt advice that I need to fill my tank up a bit because I am running out of stuff to give.
So maybe I was praying for the wrong thing. Maybe I need to pray for a way to fill my tank.
And she reminded me (she had told D to get his behind into bed and to quit screaming and of course he stopped) that the reason he treats me like that is because I'm the one he made the connection with. She said of course he isn't going to act like that to his Granny, DH or even her. Because in the end he doesn't really care so much whether they come or go. But his Granny told me that when he caught a fish the first thing he wanted to do was call me. It must be a horrible inner struggle to constantly feel like you have to push people away because they will disappoint you.
So I am reframing it, just a bit too late.
Oh and the other 3 are fine. M did a great job in the talent show considering she and her buddy didn't prepare much. I was really proud of her. I watched T at swim team on Friday and I couldn't believe at how much better he is doing. He was the first one done with chores on Saturday. It took the girls about 2 hours longer because they were dillydallying. (Oh and the chores were a 25-30 minute thing max!) C is just hilarious. M had some leftover Peeps from Easter. Everybody knows C's favorite color is blue. But this time she changed it to yellow to match the Peeps. M was a sucker and gave her one.
And with that, I am too tired to continue. I guess it's fortunate that it is past my bedtime :).
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Charlie
Every night M asks if she can help C with her prayers. C has gotten into the habit of pausing and then adds, "Um... maybe." Then she choses me.
A few nights ago, after being rejected for prayers, M asked if she could put C in her bed. Of course, C did her "maybe yes and maybe no" thing. Then like always, she chose me. I turned to Madeleine and said, "Sorry Charlie."
Then M did a "see you later alligator" to C.
C answered, "In a while CHARLIE."
What a funny little humor that two year old has.
A few nights ago, after being rejected for prayers, M asked if she could put C in her bed. Of course, C did her "maybe yes and maybe no" thing. Then like always, she chose me. I turned to Madeleine and said, "Sorry Charlie."
Then M did a "see you later alligator" to C.
C answered, "In a while CHARLIE."
What a funny little humor that two year old has.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Respite Care
We have a little time out respite care coming our way. I'm thrilled to know it is there. We can have 3 hours a week for the little challengers. The kids get to go and play and have a great time with people who know how their minds work.
You can't imagine how thrilled I am. I have some very well meaning people that offer to take them but when times are tough I just can't accept the help because they don't know what to do with my RADishes. What you would do for most kids will feed a RADish in a not so good way when he or she is having a challenging time. D is going to try it out next week.
I can't believe school will be out soon. The weather has finally warmed up and summer skipped spring. I'm not quite sure how we are going to do this summer. It'll work out as it always does. And luckily, I am forgetful enough that I will forget if I have lost a little more of my sanity.
You can't imagine how thrilled I am. I have some very well meaning people that offer to take them but when times are tough I just can't accept the help because they don't know what to do with my RADishes. What you would do for most kids will feed a RADish in a not so good way when he or she is having a challenging time. D is going to try it out next week.
I can't believe school will be out soon. The weather has finally warmed up and summer skipped spring. I'm not quite sure how we are going to do this summer. It'll work out as it always does. And luckily, I am forgetful enough that I will forget if I have lost a little more of my sanity.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Tender Mercies
We've had quite the last few weeks.
We had a monkey bar incident. D learned that you just can't do monkey bars with only one hand. A little surgery later and breaks in two places, the arm is on the mend. It's hard to visualize one armed monkey bar swinging.
We have a new therapist to try for S. We went to a different pediatrician and he pretty much told us what we sort of already knew. It's that dang RAD (and I don't mean the nice Royal Academy of Dance). We have a RADish or two it appears. So onto a therapist over 50 miles away to see what we can do about this reactive attachment disorder. What's really funny is that S has had a great week and a half since D flopped to the turkey side. I don't know how they do that. I just keep hoping and hoping (and then hoping some more) that she will really feel the joy that making good decisions brings. I don't expect her to be perfect. What kid her age doesn't have a fit here or there. I just don't want her to hulkify each time. And D? I'm hoping the getting the cast off helps. Today he spent a huge chunk of the day screaming at me. I have to lay out the consequences and then not give negative attention. That is so much more tricky than it sounds. DH is seeing it more which at least makes me feel validated. I swear I am not imagining this whole thing. Last week DH was on the phone to me and could just hear the screaming in the background. He asked why D isn't like that when he is home and I just had to tell him it's because he's pretty much not home. It's not hard to survive dinner, scriptures, prayers, and off to bed. I think that made him think a little. Today it was similar. D was screaming and screaming. After what was probably 10 minutes of talking to DH I said to the phone something that referenced DH. The second D heard it he stopped screaming. And when I finished the conversation he started it back up beginning with screaming because I "have to tell DH everything!" This parenting stuff is hard work, dang it! You want to give attention for good things and make sure they know it is sincere. Then you need to have consequences all prepared before anything ever happens and want make sure the kids are aware of them. And then you have to actually follow through. I just want to be lazy sometimes and not follow through. But that is like parenting suicide. If you don't follow though, the kid (radishes at least and maybe most kids) will think you can't be trusted to do what you say. So they feel less safe. Tonight was painful that way. We had been doing consequences all day. I tried giving him a clean slate after school. (In fact, the kids even had ice cream after school... granted they were little individual containers that had melted a bit and refrozen from a neighbor... but my kids don't care.) But I had told him he couldn't play with friends after school if he was going to choose to scream at me. So I sent him on his way to the backyard to have some fun and he snuck out. What's horrible, if I hadn't been screamed at all morning I would have thought, "What a turkey!" But I was tired. So I had him come in to do some writing. I found a poem about choosing the right to copy (a kid poem) and he just kept screaming. I finally just told him there would be 4 warnings and then he would get a quick early dinner and off to bed he would go. He would push it and push it and finally I gave him early dinner and sent him off. I peeked in his room after he had cooled down and chatted with him for a few minutes (while I burned part of the meat I was cooking on the stove). I couldn't let him go to bed thinking he was a horrible kid or that he wasn't loved. So I went in, told him how much I loved him and wanted him to grow up to be happy. And of course I told him that adults that spend all of their time throwing tantrums are never happy and that's why we have to figure out how to deal with frustrations as we grow. I told him I was sorry that he saw people screaming and hurting each other when he was little. I asked how it made him feel when that happened. And then I told him I want him to learn how to really be happy. I gave him a hug and went on my way. We'll see how tomorrow goes.
On another note... I have earned my gazillionth crappy parent award today. M was complaining this morning that she didn't feel well and couldn't practice. I made her practice anyway. And as I was IM'ing with DH asking him for suggestions of what to do with D she called from school. She had a stomach bug and had thrown up in the bathroom. GO MOM! She has felt pretty great tonight though and actually practiced without being asked. I found some videos of kids on youtube playing her songs very well. It was super motivating for her.
Oh, and a funny M thing. She and her best buddy had a little fight/miscommunication recently. My friend was driving them to dance and listened to the conversation about it the next day. Her friend said something about how she thought M had told her to give M's soda pop to the boys at the basketball hoop. (Really, M wanted her to shake it and tease them.) I guess M nodded her head and her friend thought that meant yes (imagine that!). So the next day my friend overhears M say something about how, "Sometimes when I nod my head it means yes and sometimes it means go get the scooter." I was laughing so hard. What a goofy kid.
I guess I didn't really give an update on S. She has been so much happier. We are ignoring some of our not so favorite behaviors. Well, ignoring really isn't the right word. We aren't looking for them but do acknowledge them when we see them (that follow through thing). It seems to be helping a bit, even if it is just to lower my frustration level.
T started swim team. The kid can still swim. I am thrilled. It's three days a week but at least it is nearby. I hope it strengthens his lungs.
And C is as hilarious as ever. She learned to pedal a bike (with training wheels of course). She is ditching her 3 wheeled scooter for the big kids kind. But perhaps the most funny thing is how involved she is in everyone's business. We were at DH's parents house and the grown ups were talking about books. She walked in, put her arms up on the table and asked, "So what are you guys talking about?" Where did I get this kid? She tells me which things are full of sugar and that it makes things yummy. (She is torturing me dang it!)
I shouldn't forget the grownups in the house. DH didn't get drawn for his marathon. I don't quite know what he will do. But as I type he is on the treadmill. We are still doing our crazy diet. He has lost double digit pounds while trying to eat and eat. I have lost next to nothing while eating a fraction of his food. Oh well, it's about habits (or something). Maybe it'll help keep me away from vanity. We have been off refined sugar and gluten for over two months now.
And I can't forget Mother's Day. DH got me something I have been wanting and wanting. I am now the proud owner of a Magic Bullet blender. I have used that thing a ton of times in the last couple of days. This morning alone I used it for super fluffy omelets for DH and then for coconut flour pancakes for his lunch. I did, however, over pulverise some veggies. Oh well, it's really fun.
And now for the tender mercies. C went on the potty tonight. We aren't training her. I did that for a few days a long time ago and gave up. She wasn't even two at the time. Twice in the last week or so she has just gone in and put the potty seat on, taken her diaper off, and gone. And another good thing was that her diaper was only wet.
Another TM was that we found out we have some water rights to sell that will pretty much pay for T's swim team for a chunk of the year and we won't have to move our budget around. I am thrilled about that.
I need to keep my eye out for the tender mercies. They are all over the place. I need to not lose sight of them.
We had a monkey bar incident. D learned that you just can't do monkey bars with only one hand. A little surgery later and breaks in two places, the arm is on the mend. It's hard to visualize one armed monkey bar swinging.
We have a new therapist to try for S. We went to a different pediatrician and he pretty much told us what we sort of already knew. It's that dang RAD (and I don't mean the nice Royal Academy of Dance). We have a RADish or two it appears. So onto a therapist over 50 miles away to see what we can do about this reactive attachment disorder. What's really funny is that S has had a great week and a half since D flopped to the turkey side. I don't know how they do that. I just keep hoping and hoping (and then hoping some more) that she will really feel the joy that making good decisions brings. I don't expect her to be perfect. What kid her age doesn't have a fit here or there. I just don't want her to hulkify each time. And D? I'm hoping the getting the cast off helps. Today he spent a huge chunk of the day screaming at me. I have to lay out the consequences and then not give negative attention. That is so much more tricky than it sounds. DH is seeing it more which at least makes me feel validated. I swear I am not imagining this whole thing. Last week DH was on the phone to me and could just hear the screaming in the background. He asked why D isn't like that when he is home and I just had to tell him it's because he's pretty much not home. It's not hard to survive dinner, scriptures, prayers, and off to bed. I think that made him think a little. Today it was similar. D was screaming and screaming. After what was probably 10 minutes of talking to DH I said to the phone something that referenced DH. The second D heard it he stopped screaming. And when I finished the conversation he started it back up beginning with screaming because I "have to tell DH everything!" This parenting stuff is hard work, dang it! You want to give attention for good things and make sure they know it is sincere. Then you need to have consequences all prepared before anything ever happens and want make sure the kids are aware of them. And then you have to actually follow through. I just want to be lazy sometimes and not follow through. But that is like parenting suicide. If you don't follow though, the kid (radishes at least and maybe most kids) will think you can't be trusted to do what you say. So they feel less safe. Tonight was painful that way. We had been doing consequences all day. I tried giving him a clean slate after school. (In fact, the kids even had ice cream after school... granted they were little individual containers that had melted a bit and refrozen from a neighbor... but my kids don't care.) But I had told him he couldn't play with friends after school if he was going to choose to scream at me. So I sent him on his way to the backyard to have some fun and he snuck out. What's horrible, if I hadn't been screamed at all morning I would have thought, "What a turkey!" But I was tired. So I had him come in to do some writing. I found a poem about choosing the right to copy (a kid poem) and he just kept screaming. I finally just told him there would be 4 warnings and then he would get a quick early dinner and off to bed he would go. He would push it and push it and finally I gave him early dinner and sent him off. I peeked in his room after he had cooled down and chatted with him for a few minutes (while I burned part of the meat I was cooking on the stove). I couldn't let him go to bed thinking he was a horrible kid or that he wasn't loved. So I went in, told him how much I loved him and wanted him to grow up to be happy. And of course I told him that adults that spend all of their time throwing tantrums are never happy and that's why we have to figure out how to deal with frustrations as we grow. I told him I was sorry that he saw people screaming and hurting each other when he was little. I asked how it made him feel when that happened. And then I told him I want him to learn how to really be happy. I gave him a hug and went on my way. We'll see how tomorrow goes.
On another note... I have earned my gazillionth crappy parent award today. M was complaining this morning that she didn't feel well and couldn't practice. I made her practice anyway. And as I was IM'ing with DH asking him for suggestions of what to do with D she called from school. She had a stomach bug and had thrown up in the bathroom. GO MOM! She has felt pretty great tonight though and actually practiced without being asked. I found some videos of kids on youtube playing her songs very well. It was super motivating for her.
Oh, and a funny M thing. She and her best buddy had a little fight/miscommunication recently. My friend was driving them to dance and listened to the conversation about it the next day. Her friend said something about how she thought M had told her to give M's soda pop to the boys at the basketball hoop. (Really, M wanted her to shake it and tease them.) I guess M nodded her head and her friend thought that meant yes (imagine that!). So the next day my friend overhears M say something about how, "Sometimes when I nod my head it means yes and sometimes it means go get the scooter." I was laughing so hard. What a goofy kid.
I guess I didn't really give an update on S. She has been so much happier. We are ignoring some of our not so favorite behaviors. Well, ignoring really isn't the right word. We aren't looking for them but do acknowledge them when we see them (that follow through thing). It seems to be helping a bit, even if it is just to lower my frustration level.
T started swim team. The kid can still swim. I am thrilled. It's three days a week but at least it is nearby. I hope it strengthens his lungs.
And C is as hilarious as ever. She learned to pedal a bike (with training wheels of course). She is ditching her 3 wheeled scooter for the big kids kind. But perhaps the most funny thing is how involved she is in everyone's business. We were at DH's parents house and the grown ups were talking about books. She walked in, put her arms up on the table and asked, "So what are you guys talking about?" Where did I get this kid? She tells me which things are full of sugar and that it makes things yummy. (She is torturing me dang it!)
I shouldn't forget the grownups in the house. DH didn't get drawn for his marathon. I don't quite know what he will do. But as I type he is on the treadmill. We are still doing our crazy diet. He has lost double digit pounds while trying to eat and eat. I have lost next to nothing while eating a fraction of his food. Oh well, it's about habits (or something). Maybe it'll help keep me away from vanity. We have been off refined sugar and gluten for over two months now.
And I can't forget Mother's Day. DH got me something I have been wanting and wanting. I am now the proud owner of a Magic Bullet blender. I have used that thing a ton of times in the last couple of days. This morning alone I used it for super fluffy omelets for DH and then for coconut flour pancakes for his lunch. I did, however, over pulverise some veggies. Oh well, it's really fun.
And now for the tender mercies. C went on the potty tonight. We aren't training her. I did that for a few days a long time ago and gave up. She wasn't even two at the time. Twice in the last week or so she has just gone in and put the potty seat on, taken her diaper off, and gone. And another good thing was that her diaper was only wet.
Another TM was that we found out we have some water rights to sell that will pretty much pay for T's swim team for a chunk of the year and we won't have to move our budget around. I am thrilled about that.
I need to keep my eye out for the tender mercies. They are all over the place. I need to not lose sight of them.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Easter Nachos
I haven't blogged for a while so I am going to have to pretty much ditch those memories. I'll summarize things like this. It has rained and rained and then snowed a bit. Occasionally we got a nice day and the kids would go outside and I would pull some weeds. And then it would rain or snow. The dang weeds have grown back and are bigger. M's got some new glasses. Her bad eye is correctable to 20/30 now. We are thrilled. It's probably as good as it will get. But her bad eye actually sees without the glasses better than the good one. Luckily that one corrects to 20/20. The glasses are super cute. I went on T's field trip. The kids were pretty cute. They finally got into the moms come to field trips for the pictures thing and posed here and there for me. D made an awesome dinosaur bone out of legos for his book share. D and T have had a good time going to the mountains with DH the last two weekends. T came home, after switching to snowboarding, and told me he likes 'shredding' snow. S is on her so many steps backwards after our peaceful trip to AZ. I made an appointment with a doctor that has been recommended for behavior issues. It gave me a bunch of hope and even if nothing else comes out of it I will have gotten a little hope for two weeks in exchange for my copay. That's not too dang bad. And C, she hit the screaming phase of the terrible twos. Last week I thought she was cranky because she was ill (which she was after a trip to urgent care... ear infection). But she is still screaming every time she doesn't get her way. I haven't seen this stage at this age for a while. A couple of days ago I asked her, "Who's the boss?" to which she replied, "I'm not telling you." Luckily she does tons of cute things to help balance this out.
I really need to get back to the nachos. One year when I was a kid my mom served super nachos for dinner. We all thought it was great. My family was more into the Easter Bunny than celebrating the religious holiday and nachos were a big hit with kids. As we have grown up my mom has blotted the Easter nachos from her memory. She says we never had them. I told her that we often had ham or something a little more traditional but the kids weren't forgetting the year of the nacho.
Fast forward almost 3 decades.
I bought a turkey. DH and I have been avoiding refined sugar now for a month and a glazed ham wouldn't do it. DH's family was getting together but that wouldn't work because DH had to count after church and it was to be a longer day with fast Sunday, regular tithes, and a big scouting fundraiser. So at church little C was being a tyrant. There was no stopping that kid and then after the first meeting S was grumpy with me for not doing what she wanted immediately. (Okay grumpy equals hiking my dress up to my waist to be told to not do that and then doing it again for 'fun'.) So we took C home for a nap and S for a quick time out. It got more ugly as S took a swipe with her nails at DH. I decided to quickly put my turkey in the oven. I added my spices, covered the thing up, put it in the oven, and set the timer.
Three hours later I went to take it out. I realized that my house didn't smell like turkey. Hmmm... something was wrong. Then I remembered that I didn't turn the oven ON!
We were going to be turkeyless. And then M came up with her suggestion to have nachos. And we did. They were a hit with the young ones. And I carried on the tradition my mom claims doesn't exist.
I really need to get back to the nachos. One year when I was a kid my mom served super nachos for dinner. We all thought it was great. My family was more into the Easter Bunny than celebrating the religious holiday and nachos were a big hit with kids. As we have grown up my mom has blotted the Easter nachos from her memory. She says we never had them. I told her that we often had ham or something a little more traditional but the kids weren't forgetting the year of the nacho.
Fast forward almost 3 decades.
I bought a turkey. DH and I have been avoiding refined sugar now for a month and a glazed ham wouldn't do it. DH's family was getting together but that wouldn't work because DH had to count after church and it was to be a longer day with fast Sunday, regular tithes, and a big scouting fundraiser. So at church little C was being a tyrant. There was no stopping that kid and then after the first meeting S was grumpy with me for not doing what she wanted immediately. (Okay grumpy equals hiking my dress up to my waist to be told to not do that and then doing it again for 'fun'.) So we took C home for a nap and S for a quick time out. It got more ugly as S took a swipe with her nails at DH. I decided to quickly put my turkey in the oven. I added my spices, covered the thing up, put it in the oven, and set the timer.
Three hours later I went to take it out. I realized that my house didn't smell like turkey. Hmmm... something was wrong. Then I remembered that I didn't turn the oven ON!
We were going to be turkeyless. And then M came up with her suggestion to have nachos. And we did. They were a hit with the young ones. And I carried on the tradition my mom claims doesn't exist.
Friday, March 27, 2009
The Plan Updated
Yesterday wasn't horrible. I put on the soothing music all day and the kids weren't too bad. S worked on earning stuff back and she had a genuine happy look to her at the end of the day.
And then she screamed for attention in her room when she went to bed. She had been with me all day (which seemed like misery for her at first) and helped me work. And then when she finally got her way and could go and be away from me she screamed.
As expected, D had a huge meltdown. It always happens when S starts to be better. It's the social stuff. T and his friends just play a little old for him and then when he tries to start commanding them to do things they blow him off. After the meltdown was over and I got him to stop doing his self talk we talked about how maybe we could find him some friends that were more his 'age'. I couldn't do much of this before because until recently we had lying all the time and you can't go to others' houses when you are lying all the time. But he is doing less fabrication of stories and such now and so I think it's time. I arranged for him to play with a cute kid today for just an hour before school. This kid barely made the K deadline and is young for his grade. D is old. They might make a good match.
I felt like supermom yesterday. It's amazing how great you feel when you look to the right source for your needed super powers.
And then she screamed for attention in her room when she went to bed. She had been with me all day (which seemed like misery for her at first) and helped me work. And then when she finally got her way and could go and be away from me she screamed.
As expected, D had a huge meltdown. It always happens when S starts to be better. It's the social stuff. T and his friends just play a little old for him and then when he tries to start commanding them to do things they blow him off. After the meltdown was over and I got him to stop doing his self talk we talked about how maybe we could find him some friends that were more his 'age'. I couldn't do much of this before because until recently we had lying all the time and you can't go to others' houses when you are lying all the time. But he is doing less fabrication of stories and such now and so I think it's time. I arranged for him to play with a cute kid today for just an hour before school. This kid barely made the K deadline and is young for his grade. D is old. They might make a good match.
I felt like supermom yesterday. It's amazing how great you feel when you look to the right source for your needed super powers.
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