Making up for a lack of posts

I'll add a little bit more tonight. At my parents' house the kids are all over and we pretty much have to disappear to get everyone to fall asleep. I'm choosing the computer. Now, let me add that I am not alone as D was messing around in the bathroom playing in the water and now has a spot on the floor by me where he is still trying to stay awake.

I had fun at my friend's house. The girls played Pollys for hours and the boys did boy things. We figured out which kids bring out the worst in each other and which ones make good matches. Oh, and I played the Wii. I love that thing and would really like to have one. T played boxing until he was sweaty. That's a great kind of EWWWWW!

S is a bit on the out of control side. It got worse and there is only so much I can do about it other than hop in the car and drive home. She was still wearing a pull up because she is in that I will show you mode and I am so glad. We finally got home tonight (and this is after a trip to the potty before we got in the car) and she flippantly tells us that she peed her pants. She didn't even tell us she needed to go or anything. We came back to my parents' house and told her to get in her jammies because my dad had brought dinner home and she just started ordering us around. Hmmm.... that doesn't fly really well. In fact, it doesn't fly at all. When she didn't get her way she pulled out all the stops. She told us she wouldn't eat dinner and so will most likely wake up hungry. DH took her back so she could lay down. She has a spot on the floor in our room. I told him she couldn't sleep where she was because I was afraid she might get stepped on. He asked her to move over and she did and then stared us down and went right back to where she had been. In the end she stood in the hallway by choice. That's a miserable place to be when you are tired. I hope she decides to be happy for tomorrow.

Tomorrow is our Niko day. The kids all get their new shoes tomorrow. Of course, the bargainer in me has a coupon to use so even if they do get to choose any pair in the store I can still save a few dollars. We'll go get flowers and go to the cemetery earlier tomorrow because it's the last Saturday for shopping before Christmas and the mall will be really busy. 10 years ago exactly we went for a walk at the Arizona Temple and looked at all the Christmas lights. We had just gone to DH's extended family Christmas party (something we will do tomorrow night). I remember I wore my favorite blue striped maternity shirt and navy overalls. Yep and I was pregnant enough that they were getting floody. (I may end up writing this type of thing over and over year after year. You know... it's the limited amount of memories thing. There is only so much to go around unless we fudge the details which doesn't work for the rule follower in me.) And then the next day we became parents. And for a year I parented by making sure there were decent flowers at the cemetery. Instead of dreaming about play dates I would make sure I stashed a couple of flowers in the 'neighbors' vases before their birthdays so their parents would be thrilled that someone else was stopping by and their child wasn't forgotten. I would look at his picture each day to make sure that I hadn't forgotten details, little skinny monkey boy features in a body that was really long for his 34 weeks. And now I don't have to try so hard. I see his little picture each day. It's on the mantle. But I am too busy forgetting my keys or where I am headed to worry about other things I might forget. Yet there was a funny feeling when we drove into town and in the distance I could see the tall trees that line the rows of the cemetery. I couldn't help but think, "Hey little buddy, I'll be there to visit in a few days." A decade ago I wouldn't have been able to pass without driving through at least. And now I can pass and feel a longing but not feel like I have to stop. His spirit, along with Joshua's, is with me daily. It made the trip to another state. And I know that in reality it's his body that is here. But for me his body is important too since I never got to see his spirit in it. I have a little idea now as C looks so much like him.

So tomorrow we'll go and celebrate his role in our family. We'll spend slightly frivolously (if you call buying whatever shoes you want that). I'll hope that M picks something that can be worn to church as I thought she was bringing tall brown boots that could also be worn to church and she brought black ankle boots with a heel as her only shoes. T will tease S who will beg for the teasing. D will want some hugs each time anyone else is getting any. C will throw a huge tantrum but then will charm us all with her funny sayings. And S, I hate to even speculate. That'll be life tomorrow. Hopefully we will have good memories and everyone will be on their best behavior. Okay, we'll settle on pretty okay behavior. And we'll continue our family traditions of that day which will help bind our family together. As our lives have gotten busier and busier it has become increasingly difficult to stop and pause. On Niko's day we pause and listen. We think of what is most important to us. We reflect on our Saviour and His sacrifice for us. We remember how important family is and how we are part of a bigger plan. What a gift that is from Niko.