Quiet Time

It's quiet time at our house. When we let S give up her naps I started letting them watch a movie or show with pillows. I need the break and I think they need the down time too. There is no whining or begging during quiet time.

T had his kindergarten assessment today. He learned everything he needed to except how to hold really still. I guess I can't be too picky. We had to take another 'last day of school' picture because little miss C, the baby, took the memory card out of the computer and walked off with it. I'm still hopeful that I will find it. But, let's be honest, the kid has recently become very interested in the central vac system. It could be anywhere.

We had a very challenging weekend. Maybe it was bad so we can appreciate the little things more. Maybe it'll help me to remember to do those super good parenting things with all the reinforcing at the right times. S decided to hurt our dog on two occasions. I felt bad for Aggie and well, worried for S. Then, today, she kicked C very hard. Luckily, C isn't so fragile anymore. But it's discouraging to be back to a place I had hoped we had left. It's back to constant supervision because she can't be trusted yet. I'm working really hard on being 'real'. She'll say just about anything to either get you off her back or to get her way. I know, a ton of kids do this very thing. But it isn't normal when even just everyday activities have fakeness behind them. I told her it's okay if she feels frustrated, grumpy, angry, mad or happy. I told her she can even tell me that she is angry at me. I've told her she can say she is missing her birthmom or even angry at her. But I want the real kid, not the fake one. When she does her fake smiling I ask her if she is being real. "Is that how you really feel S?" And in the last few days when I ask her that she relaxes and ditches the fake smile. I don't think she feels jolly all of the time. I know I sure don't. I don't expect her to just adore me. In fact, if I were her I would be pretty ticked off at her birthfamily and us. But at 3 how can she put those feelings into words, even when she is a great talker. I think we will make great strides if I can get her to be real. At a minimum we will know more what to expect from her.

Every once in a while I think she really likes us and not just the fact that we give her food and have toys for her to play with. It's not often that it seems genuine but it does happen. And why should she? How does she really know we aren't going to ditch her? That survival instinct is just so strong.

D has been going through a rough patch as well. He's back to giving up really easily, even if it's just buckling his seatbelt. The hoarding has increased again. Today he had a tub of legos, a drawer from the art supplies, and a sand bucket filled with toys and treasures under the pillows on his bed. This may seem really normal except D isn't messy. He's a tidy kid. He knows the legos go in the closet, the art supplies in the art supply storage cart, and the sand bucket outside. He says his bins are too full. They are full. In fact, they are so full that T can't often put his bins where they belong because D's stuff is overflowing into T's space. But T only has the same amount of space for his treasures. The toys they both have access to are in the closet. Maybe this is just a two steps forward, one step back type of thing. He has been really wanting snuggles and has been inititating it. I think he is attaching. I just don't think he has full faith that he's going to be here. He has been throwing a few less fits lately as well. They are still a daily thing but it isn't six times a day right now. I think he is really trying. The other day I had to laugh. I was scolding T for I can't remember what (most likely teasing) and D kept piping up trying to tell me this and that about whatever T had been doing. Finally I said to D, "T is getting in trouble. Just let me finish punishing him. Let him get in trouble." I don't think he realized what was going on because he usually doesn't see that other people get in trouble or get disciplined. He only sees it when it's happening to him. It was an eye opener. When I told him that he decided he was more than happy to be quiet and let T get in trouble.

C is adding to her vocabulary. She added cracker this weekend and finally called me mama instead of maaaaaaaaaaaaaa. She has been such a daddy's girl. She stands at the top of our stairs and cries out daaaaad when DH is downstairs working on the basement. We need to buy a bench for the kitchen table becuase she no longer things she is too little for the real chairs and has stolen MY chair. She heads over to my spot and takes it before I get a chance to sit. She insisted on wearing her ballet shoes to church on Sunday. Luckily she had a pink shirt on. She adores them. And really, I don't care. I want her to have shoes on at church but I don't care which ones.

Okay, there isn't much quiet time left and my floor needs to be swept from lunch.

Positive Note- Everything is sooooo green right now. The mountain tops are covered in snow yet it is gorgeous at our house. I'm sure it'll be hot in a week or two so I am just going to enjoy it. Oh and postive note #2, I did manage to run last night. It wasn't pretty but it was done.