Race with M

This week has been so chaotic. But that isn't what I want to write about right now.

Today M and I did a 5k together. It was so much fun to have some time with just her and well, to have what looks like a reasonable excuse for being so slow. I'll admit, she was too fast for me in the beginning. I do the slow and steady thing and she goes out faster. So I let her cruise in front of me. Then when she was ready for a walking break she would walk until I caught up with her and then she would start running again. After about 2 miles her toe started hurting. She wore shoes that were smaller and she strikes really hard when she runs. I felt a little bad about the toe but well, I couldn't carry her back. I told her she could take her shoe off and she didn't want to. We finished and went to play at the park.

You know, when you go to the park with 5 kids and 4 are begging for pushes on the swings, it isn't that much fun. But today it was fun. I just pushed and pushed until M soared. It was great to WANT to do it.

M got the first and only place in the 8 and under division. She received a super medal for it. It is probably the nicest medal she has ever received. She has had it on all day.

After the awards they had a balloon release using the balloon arch from the beginning of the children's race. Each balloon said, "Live wElle." This race was a scholarship race in memory of a family's 15 month old that was killed. You can guess her name. I started tearing up and M had to point it out. "Why are you crying mom?" "Are you crying again?" I haven't had time for crying and I finally had a moment. I was so sad for that mom and her family. I was sad for her big sister that had a race number with messages to her little sister saying how they missed her so much. And I missed my boys. That little bit of grief finally found me when I was away from my everyday life. It felt good to miss them for a bit. By the time I got home I had an enormous headache and a Diet Coke in hand.

Now we are back to real life. The boys are back in my heart and my other kids are back in my arms (and hanging on my legs, tugging my hair, etc.).

Life may be hard, but it really is good.