A Little Perspective

It's my birthday today. I'm old but luckily, only a day older than I was yesterday and that's not too bad.

Birthdays have been a bit of a curse for me. I can't quite figure it out but you wake up on a birthday and the day falls apart. S just couldn't come to grips with being civilized around others today. It sounds like exaggerating to say that she was pretty much defiant in everything she did but it's true. I wasn't in the holding mood and she just kept getting put in time out. I could let her continue to ruin things or put people in danger. I'd give her a chance to come out and she would last a few minutes and she would be right at it again. I finally decided to take a shower and told her to play as much as she wanted in her room, locked the door, and had C stay with me. I needed to keep C safe and I really didn't want to be the grimy mom on my birthday. It was the only option I had as my good friend wasn't home and I couldn't send S down there.

I had her come out and told her to come in my bathroom so I could do her hair so she could go to school. She went berserk and started running all over saying no I couldn't comb her hair. I let the natural consequence flow (and I am dang proud of this one) and told her that was fine she could go to school without her hair done. And then she started freaking out again. We are talking HUGE freaking out. It was the type that when my friend called I couldn't really hear a single thing she was saying.

But today was a day for preschool. I was going out to lunch and I wasn't staying home. She screamed all the way there and kicked the seat. We got there and she went in sobbing because her hair wasn't done. I felt find about it. It's not the end of the world if you go to preschool uncoiffed (I don't know if that is a word and I am not about to look it up.)

I went to lunch and then my friend dyed my hair. I had to get the gray covered up today as I start my diet tomorrow and I lose my conditioner. I didn't want to dye it on a day when I couldn't condition it.

I took the two oldest to violin lessons and dropped them off so I could go and pick S up at preschool. I thought maybe things were going to be better. She seemed to be back in her eyes (too hard to explain but I'll know what it is when I reread this next birthday). We went back to violin and I bundled her up and told both her and D they could play in the violin teacher's backyard while M and T finished their lessons.

It didn't take long before she was in covered in snow. D had gotten her with a snowball (which was a no no as I told them to just leave each other alone). I told her to come in and she could sit with me since it appeared that things weren't going well out there. Then she went ballistic. She started getting destructive and I had to just take her out and hold her. She didn't have her shoes on anymore because she was trying to kick me with her boots and finally I told her if she kicked again I was setting her down. So I did and told her to come after me so she could get in the car and warm up her feet. Once again a no go. 1 minute with feet on the cold ground (it wasn't that cold today) wasn't going to kill her. But why on earth didn't she want to just do what I told her when it made sense to go get in the car. Instead she commanded that I pick her up. I tried that before and she threw a fit so I wasn't going to do it again. She was however, going to interrupt the violin teacher's next lesson so I finally grabbed her by the armpits and encouraged her to walk to the car. I just helped her along.

Then she screamed all the way home. A friend called me (I don't usually get that many calls but with the birthday and all...) and I could tell who it was by the number but I couldn't hear a single thing because S's screams were so loud and high pitched. I wasn't able to get her into her carseat and so I put her in C's. (C stayed at my friend's house after she did my hair). She said she wanted to break the DVD player and kept kicking it. She was decking both M and D as each had a lucky spot next to her. I told them to stay as far away as possible but they just couldn't keep far enough away and I couldn't hold her feet and her hands and drive home at the same time. I finally told her that if she kicked the dvd player again or hit one of them she was going home, getting a glass of milk, and going to bed. I knew she had a soft pretzel with nacho sauce as a snack at preschool at 3:00pm and I knew she wouldn't starve.

But I hoped she would just be good.

So much for hoping. She did it for a few minutes and then she either gave up or decided she didn't care because she kicked the dvd player a bunch and really whopped D. Luckily that last thing was right as we were pulling into our driveway and D could get away.

I kept her in while I took T to swim team and as I was coming home I passed a friend who had been so nice to drop a treat off on my door while I was gone. She just wanted to pass along birthday wishes verbally so I stopped. Her eyes got huge and S kicked me from behind. She offered to come over once the kids were in bed so DH and I could go out. It was so kind of her.

But I didn't take her up on it. I think tonight sleep will be more useful and well, I just don't have it in me to clean my house enough to have a friend come over and watch my kids. That's too much stress today.

Instead S got her milk and got put to bed early. DH picked T up from swim team and brought me home some lovely roses. C got angry when I called them flowers. "They're not flowers. They're ROSES!" We mixed up the order and had presents first, then cake and then some roast that I had tossed in the crock pot. DH did an awesome job and found me the thinnest cake with the largest amount of frosting. I'm really all about the frosting on a cake. (I actually think he was a little bit appalled when we cut it and saw how much frosting was really on it.)

And luckily for me I get to eat what I want and have it be totally legal for the rest of today. Heck, it's even encouraged. But I don't really like eating like that and two days of it is enough. I'll be happy with my plain ol' chicken and and apples.

So I took that P.J.'S lesson to heart and looked up the last two birthdays. Today's was definitely better than the one two years ago. Maybe this keeping a record thing has merit. I wasn't thinking today would look good but it did look better than that day for sure.

We are making progress I guess. I am grateful to have a record to be able to recognize that. Without the record I would be wallowing in self pity and because of that record I can see that times are a bit better.

But next year I think I'll just skip the birthday talk until the day is over and see if it helps. Maybe if S doesn't know it's my birthday she'll ditch the fits.